Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Dear blog, my imaginary friend
FUCK IT I HAVE NOT BEEN SO FUCKED UP FOR LONG.
Does it pay to be a nice guy? I dunnoe.
When it comes to money, they say " talk money, hurt relationship".
I have a friend whois shooting for the school. and I am suppose to shoot as well. But because there is the exhibition to settle, I opted to oversee the exhibition while he is shooting. It is paid btw. Tomorrow there is another shoot, if both photogs go both will get paid, but who will oversee the exhibition? I am going to oversee the exhbition tomorrow. The job is $20 an hour, today's is 6 hours. Tomorrow is roughly the same. For today actually I had an assignment, which was to cover the award ceremony for the SP robotics team in NYP. It was suppose to be a whole day event, which I would have roughly earn the same amount, but for me I dun think I will bluff that I was there the whole day. I will probably say I did 2 hrs. I WAS overseeing the exhibition preparation.
We have another job, which is a workshop for a secondary school. Its $200 for 5 lessons of 2hr 1 lesson per week. I said I am going to take everything, and it isnt a joke. Maybe to him it sounded like a joke?
Everyone wants money. We are both in a poor state right now, but I feel unjustified. Its true, someone will scold me stupid, why should I oversee the exhibition preparation? I could have shoot as well, earned the same amount. But for me, I had always took upleadership positions natually. Ok fuck it. No one understands?
I dont really mind that he has earned more money from the school then I have. After all they had contacting him first. Ok fine. But, for the workshop, we had both intended to try to "friend" an instructor as much as possible. So he can be our mentor. But during the workshop, he took the first strike, as well as another friend of mine from another workshop we attended. FOR ME, I find, ah fuck it, since they want it so badly, I back out. What? Stupid again? FINE, say I am stupid, I am wadeva, but for me, I have always treated my friends sincerly, I would always have given my friends the opptunity first.
The result? The instructor called him yesterday to ask whether he was free on friday to help him as personal assistant on his shoot. In case you didnt know, that was very important to young photographers to be working with their pro photographer. I am happy and sad when I heard that. What sucks the most is that he asked whether I can take the sch job on friday! I thought we where suppose to shoot it together (before it was decided that I will oversee on fri).
You earned the cash, you have gotten your dream mentor, what is next?
Isnt it time for me to be more selfish, for myself. I have lost so much. But then again, most of YOU will probably said I didnt grab the chance when I can. Forget it. I dun think writing on my blog here will explain anything. Everyone see me as an idiot, loud and big mouth son-of-a-bitch friend, always fucking here fucking there, hating the world, blah blah blah.
Anyone of you actually know I care the most for my friends? I treasure friendship almost more then everything else, I will help my friend even if I have to pay it with my life. ANYONE KNOW? ANYONE SAID THANKS? ANYONE CARE?
No. All I get is simple T H A N K Y O U, and T H A N K S A H.
What? Thankyou is not enough??? YEs. I have every right to be selfish. I have every right to believe that what I helped other people has to make me feel wanted, yes wanted, and appreciated. Sometimes a simple thankyou is ok, but at other times, show more appreciation. Yes I helped you in this and that, after that when you have accomplished what you want, you forgot about me. Yes, you, you the dear friends of mine. Because at the end of the day, I am not your best friend, I am not your dear friend, I am not your friend. I am your classmate, your acquintance. Your friend's friend, someone you meet on the street. Crappy, Idiotic, Stupid, Rude, Impolite, Careless, etc etc eTc ETC ETC ETC ETC
You know my dear friend who are reading this, I feel like ending my life for the umpteenth time. I have so FUCKING ENOUGH of helping people out. I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH YOU READ ME? READ ME??????!!!!!!!
It doesnt matter if you dun understand me, dun care, dunnoe what to do. Do yourself a favour, treasure the people beside you. For a matter of fact, you have lost one here, to learn to treat your other friends, family, girlfriend boyfriend better. Yes...YOU my dear friends.
It really doesnt matter if I oversee the exhibition preparation tomorrow, or spilting the money for the workshop, getting all the money, or none. Because at the end of the day,
I am just another person in my dear friend's life.
Does it pay to be a nice guy? I dunnoe.
When it comes to money, they say " talk money, hurt relationship".
I have a friend whois shooting for the school. and I am suppose to shoot as well. But because there is the exhibition to settle, I opted to oversee the exhibition while he is shooting. It is paid btw. Tomorrow there is another shoot, if both photogs go both will get paid, but who will oversee the exhibition? I am going to oversee the exhbition tomorrow. The job is $20 an hour, today's is 6 hours. Tomorrow is roughly the same. For today actually I had an assignment, which was to cover the award ceremony for the SP robotics team in NYP. It was suppose to be a whole day event, which I would have roughly earn the same amount, but for me I dun think I will bluff that I was there the whole day. I will probably say I did 2 hrs. I WAS overseeing the exhibition preparation.
We have another job, which is a workshop for a secondary school. Its $200 for 5 lessons of 2hr 1 lesson per week. I said I am going to take everything, and it isnt a joke. Maybe to him it sounded like a joke?
Everyone wants money. We are both in a poor state right now, but I feel unjustified. Its true, someone will scold me stupid, why should I oversee the exhibition preparation? I could have shoot as well, earned the same amount. But for me, I had always took upleadership positions natually. Ok fuck it. No one understands?
I dont really mind that he has earned more money from the school then I have. After all they had contacting him first. Ok fine. But, for the workshop, we had both intended to try to "friend" an instructor as much as possible. So he can be our mentor. But during the workshop, he took the first strike, as well as another friend of mine from another workshop we attended. FOR ME, I find, ah fuck it, since they want it so badly, I back out. What? Stupid again? FINE, say I am stupid, I am wadeva, but for me, I have always treated my friends sincerly, I would always have given my friends the opptunity first.
The result? The instructor called him yesterday to ask whether he was free on friday to help him as personal assistant on his shoot. In case you didnt know, that was very important to young photographers to be working with their pro photographer. I am happy and sad when I heard that. What sucks the most is that he asked whether I can take the sch job on friday! I thought we where suppose to shoot it together (before it was decided that I will oversee on fri).
You earned the cash, you have gotten your dream mentor, what is next?
Isnt it time for me to be more selfish, for myself. I have lost so much. But then again, most of YOU will probably said I didnt grab the chance when I can. Forget it. I dun think writing on my blog here will explain anything. Everyone see me as an idiot, loud and big mouth son-of-a-bitch friend, always fucking here fucking there, hating the world, blah blah blah.
Anyone of you actually know I care the most for my friends? I treasure friendship almost more then everything else, I will help my friend even if I have to pay it with my life. ANYONE KNOW? ANYONE SAID THANKS? ANYONE CARE?
No. All I get is simple T H A N K Y O U, and T H A N K S A H.
What? Thankyou is not enough??? YEs. I have every right to be selfish. I have every right to believe that what I helped other people has to make me feel wanted, yes wanted, and appreciated. Sometimes a simple thankyou is ok, but at other times, show more appreciation. Yes I helped you in this and that, after that when you have accomplished what you want, you forgot about me. Yes, you, you the dear friends of mine. Because at the end of the day, I am not your best friend, I am not your dear friend, I am not your friend. I am your classmate, your acquintance. Your friend's friend, someone you meet on the street. Crappy, Idiotic, Stupid, Rude, Impolite, Careless, etc etc eTc ETC ETC ETC ETC
You know my dear friend who are reading this, I feel like ending my life for the umpteenth time. I have so FUCKING ENOUGH of helping people out. I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH YOU READ ME? READ ME??????!!!!!!!
It doesnt matter if you dun understand me, dun care, dunnoe what to do. Do yourself a favour, treasure the people beside you. For a matter of fact, you have lost one here, to learn to treat your other friends, family, girlfriend boyfriend better. Yes...YOU my dear friends.
It really doesnt matter if I oversee the exhibition preparation tomorrow, or spilting the money for the workshop, getting all the money, or none. Because at the end of the day,
I am just another person in my dear friend's life.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
friends
Long time no update.
I just finished shooting home by objectifs. Not the best of works produced. I will upload soon. The main exhibition is held at objectifs this sat, 1730 onwards. Do support me, but I wonder how many people will actually see this and come. Directions can be found at www.objectifs.com.sg
bought ibook 12".
Super shot on cash.
Super busy, with 2 workshops to conduct, Sch's shoot for 12+ clubs for their leaflet, getting the exhibition up, shooting for the reunion show, etc, and training for NS!
Anyway, I saw my friends posting up pictures of them attending their friend's grad, commissioning parade, ceremonies, birthdays.
I dun happen to be invited to such places, and I dont think anyone will come to mine anyway.
Its like when you know a friend is at some ceremony and you gather your friends to suprise him. Doesnt happen for me.
But should I be whinning here?
I just finished shooting home by objectifs. Not the best of works produced. I will upload soon. The main exhibition is held at objectifs this sat, 1730 onwards. Do support me, but I wonder how many people will actually see this and come. Directions can be found at www.objectifs.com.sg
bought ibook 12".
Super shot on cash.
Super busy, with 2 workshops to conduct, Sch's shoot for 12+ clubs for their leaflet, getting the exhibition up, shooting for the reunion show, etc, and training for NS!
Anyway, I saw my friends posting up pictures of them attending their friend's grad, commissioning parade, ceremonies, birthdays.
I dun happen to be invited to such places, and I dont think anyone will come to mine anyway.
Its like when you know a friend is at some ceremony and you gather your friends to suprise him. Doesnt happen for me.
But should I be whinning here?
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
What it takes to be loved and wanted
I went home after work today, it was 2315. While passing the adjacent block to where I lived, I saw a cat. She ( I assumed ) was tagged with a yellow collar. Well, she was the only one cat who didnt run away when I tried to approach her.
I like animals, and she was purring and sitting near the drain when I walked pass. I hesitated, and headed back. She walked slowly towards me, of course purring softly in the progress. Awww, so sweet. I wanted to stroke her, but had a few items on my hands. I sat on a nearby bench and started putting items into my bag. Without hesitation, she jumped right next to me on the bench!! Wahaha. I keep my items in the bag and started scratching her ( sounds weird, but I cant really seem to find the correct word. Groping? Fondling? Eww ). The next moment, she jumped onto the bag infront of me and sat there, laid against my chest. It was such a peaceful moment. And instantly she helped me wash away my foul mood for the day from work. I hated work. I hated the people I saw, I... arg. Hate is a wonderful word.
She made me aware of one point. She didnt care who I was, She didnt care how I look, she didnt care whether I was fat, short, ugly, bad tempered, foul mouth-ed, arrogant, proud, uncivilised, jerk, bastard, poor. To her what I were and who was I really didnt matter. As long as I can give her some scratches on her back, gave her some warmth, she will be happy to be with me.
That is something people cant give. Everything else mattered to everyone else.
I hate this world. I rather a pet for life then wife and kids.
I like animals, and she was purring and sitting near the drain when I walked pass. I hesitated, and headed back. She walked slowly towards me, of course purring softly in the progress. Awww, so sweet. I wanted to stroke her, but had a few items on my hands. I sat on a nearby bench and started putting items into my bag. Without hesitation, she jumped right next to me on the bench!! Wahaha. I keep my items in the bag and started scratching her ( sounds weird, but I cant really seem to find the correct word. Groping? Fondling? Eww ). The next moment, she jumped onto the bag infront of me and sat there, laid against my chest. It was such a peaceful moment. And instantly she helped me wash away my foul mood for the day from work. I hated work. I hated the people I saw, I... arg. Hate is a wonderful word.
She made me aware of one point. She didnt care who I was, She didnt care how I look, she didnt care whether I was fat, short, ugly, bad tempered, foul mouth-ed, arrogant, proud, uncivilised, jerk, bastard, poor. To her what I were and who was I really didnt matter. As long as I can give her some scratches on her back, gave her some warmth, she will be happy to be with me.
That is something people cant give. Everything else mattered to everyone else.
I hate this world. I rather a pet for life then wife and kids.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Shooting home
I, am, very glad I got into shooting home. Incase you didnt know what is shooting home, visit http://www.objectifs.com.sg/sh.htm .
I am sad because of a good friend of mine didnt got in. I am scared because of the seriousness of it (working with professionals! if your work sucks, it will reflect badly on yourself, and you will have a bad name carried around the professional world). And now, I am dead tired, considering I have to work for 4 days to earn $400 to pay for the course.
Its an anti-climax, the moment I received a call from my friend saying that the confirmation letter has arrived, to now where I have to work. Instead of thinking of coming up projects for the 4 days workshop.
Now that I have graduated, I am kinda lost. Where should I go next? A first in my life, and its worth bloggin it down. Really lost. Although I am going to serve national service, its the uncertainty of the future that scares me.
Its so sad. I open-ed msn messenger, and found no one I can talk to. 120+ contacts. No one.
What am I becoming, where am I heading, and how can I materialize my dream? Uncertainties.
I am sad because of a good friend of mine didnt got in. I am scared because of the seriousness of it (working with professionals! if your work sucks, it will reflect badly on yourself, and you will have a bad name carried around the professional world). And now, I am dead tired, considering I have to work for 4 days to earn $400 to pay for the course.
Its an anti-climax, the moment I received a call from my friend saying that the confirmation letter has arrived, to now where I have to work. Instead of thinking of coming up projects for the 4 days workshop.
Now that I have graduated, I am kinda lost. Where should I go next? A first in my life, and its worth bloggin it down. Really lost. Although I am going to serve national service, its the uncertainty of the future that scares me.
Its so sad. I open-ed msn messenger, and found no one I can talk to. 120+ contacts. No one.
What am I becoming, where am I heading, and how can I materialize my dream? Uncertainties.
Monday, March 06, 2006
lastest pic from my fisheye!
hand, dog, maid.
On the way to dinner after teaching my dear friend swimming.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
