s t r e s s

@$%!#$!##%

Sorry I wasted your time reading this.









I've wasted mine already.

Hmm

Had a dinner with my long lost (not that lost) secondary sch friend. Very insightful, and although kenna suan about my poor language abilities, still it was still fun dinner, with her college jo as well.

But I will admit it is a total failure to impress thou. Somehow I just cant stop being a 15yr old at heart, and not that impressive you know, like I'm not quite sure about footing the bill -_-.

There are some things to be reflected on, and regarding the previous post as well.

I find that no matter how much I choose to close myself to the world, I cant. All these friends that I have now are friends I have met through much joking and crapping, they're here because of my wacky behaviour. And true to say, being wacky is my nature. A leopard cant change its skin ( in direct translation, laugh all you want! ), so I understood that it would not be right to change my nature, to change me to another person.

But perhaps what I will change is my attitude to others. IF you guys havnt know I have the fuck you attitude if I dont quite like you bullshit. This few days I was sick as well, doesnt have much energy to go pissing around for nothing, and I find, being nice sure beats being grumpy ( energy consuming. we need to save energy ). Lets strive for a better world to live in =)

And about my photos, somehow I cant believe someone will compare me to someone else who isnt a professional and say my photos sucks. Yes I know my photos isnt the best, and I know I a level lower then most photographers out there, but hearing someone saying in your face that your 3rd class really deals a blow. My PHOTOS LACK DIRECTION! Doesnt tell a story.

I'm going to kick start my career in photography. Better now then never. Never too late to start.

I'm going to do volunteer service, hopefully with the association for the blind or some other handicap association. To boost my confidence in taking portraits, improve my skill, and return some good to the society.

I must prove my worth, develop my style, find my identity.

After a chain of events, I have decided that I talk too much for the past 19 yrs, shown too much emotions, fucked (verbally) too much people, made too much enemies, made too few friends, still single at this time, and accomplished nothing.


There is the cheerful chongyew, the funny chongyew, the crappy chongyew, the dreadful chongyew, the disgusting chongyew, the evil chongyew, the big ego chongyew, the super confident chongyew, the I dun give a fuck about you chongyew.

All these is to change. From now on no one will remember who is chongyew. His standing in the background when there is group pictures taken. His keeping quiet in the meeting. He never attends any social functions. He never answers any telephone. He never replies on msn. Do you know who's chongyew? No never heard of him.

I'm going to destroy myself.

1. Becoming transparent in any forms of communication.
2. Be emotionless. Dont smile laugh fret angry.
3. Use of one liners. (if there is a need to converse)
4. Dont talk.
5. Stake out at a place of my own alone when I'm free.
6. Minimise contact with people.
7. Refuse gatherings.

This will make me = cold, selfish, emotionless, ignored, discarded, invisible.
No hate, no love, no friends, no enemies.

If you see me on the streets. I will faint smile and walk on.
You will never know my opinions of you. Whether like or dislike, love or hate, all you get is a winter cold front.

If you ask me for an opinion, I will say none.

In my heart, there will be conflicts. There will be opinions. But none will make it out. No one will know. Its all hidden under my expressionless face.



No one will remember who I am.

After a few years, I will emerge when I am ready to make a new world for myself. Perhaps then, all the people I know would have left me.

Chong yew as you have know, is gone.


Farewell.

(comments will be removed from now on.)

Grumpy old man

Hey man. I think I have let the world off leniently for the pats few weeks. There hasnt been much cursing and swearing for quite a while I believe!

Duh whats happening to me. Btw I have no dates this weekend, so mei an you get to see my empty spirit at esplanade if your there.

Short update. My club is in the dumps, I'm devoting more of my time to it to try to rebuild it. Sch's started, much more harder modules, so I'm tied down once again. No shooting planned for weekends to come.


1 more month to my long awaited medical. I better start training.

And when the stress becomes e=mc² its time to FUCK SOMEBODY.

(grrr)

I would have killed you if I had the chance.

The guessing game

Me : Free this wkend? Wanna go catch a movie, we can have dinner, I know this great place for desserts. And if we have time, maybe we can chill at the esplanade roof terrace.

Her : Oh whoa! K...Tat's something i wld do with my girlfriend in holidays at least once... But from a guy....... U askin me on a date....is tat wat it is?

Me : Haha. Which ever it is your comfortable with. I guess whats impt is we're comfortable when we're out. yup.

Her : Very neutral ans... Want to be on e safe side huh? But hey how am i suppose to knw how do u classify it?

Me : Hmm... Haha for me i guess whats impt is meeting and spending time with you. So yah its a date. c=

Her : Hmmmok.... Thankx for tellin it upfront.....(rest of the sms is not impt)


Right. There's my date for next wk! I dun like mind games, but you still need use your brain ^^