Happy New year lah.

"You know, there is more to life then gaming. There is still so much of the real world to see. It was a frightening moment for me when my friend marcus uttered those words before one of our nightly gaming sessions.

Time screeched to a halt, like someone pressing the pause button in the middle of a Warcraft III battle. Marcus was a gaming lord among my friends, a man who once decleared that he would happily reject sex with a supermodel for a chance to win the World Cyber Games.

He loved games filled ninjas. His stage of enlightenment was such that mundane urges like defecation have been overcome, allowing him countless hours in front of a computer "killing: others like him.

Why give that up for the real world - a unfathomale place filled with mysterious things like fashion and hygiene? It doesnt have save and reload buttons or even respawn points after getting killed.

Instead, it has concepts that have existed in the mists of prehistoric cyber-universe, back when Bill Gates was merely a multi-millionaire. But, alas, one by one, I've seen my friends fall lemming-like to girlfriends and marketing jobs, lost to us forever.

And-I fear-I too am lost.

Growing up is one of those ugly things any right-thinking person should do their best to avoid. But it creeps on you. Like gollum. I remember a time when all I needed to feel divine was to walk out of Serene Centre with my ugly beige schoolboy shorts bulging with $20 worth of Magic: The Gathering cards.

Now, not even the Xbox 360 could give me geekdom nirvana, if only because I just have to think how many hours I have to slog at work before I can afford such things. Then there is the whole girlfriend issue. When I was but a little geek, girls were incomprehensible entitles that stimulated an equally unfathomable and unreasonable desire to acquire one.

Like the Holy Grail, the quest involved various seemingly insurmountable difficulties, such as my colossal lack of height and a vocabulary that included only football terms and Conan The Barbarian small talk. One would think the emergence of geek chic would ease one's dating troubles, but all it did was prove that cool people can do geek better then geeks themselves.

Yes, somehow, I found a girlfriend, along with a job and responsiblity (which should bring hope to everyone). And like anyone who has ever chanced upon the fabled chalice, everything changed. Gaming sessions have become sparse as the clique find themselves spending our nights taming our better halves, working in the office or recovering from just plain tiredness.

No longer are my conversations dominated by topics like magical gaming gear (also known as The Swords Of Female Repulsion). Instead, talk is about housing loans, future children, mother-in-laws and income tax. And if you think computer games bad, do you know how difficult it is to explain why one would want to arrange a pen-and-paper-role-playing session to a girlfriend?

It's not possible to explain to the average woman why a group of grown-up men can sit around a table and pretend to be elves and dwarves and fight monsters for imaginary loot without looking like a total dork.

Sadly, it is impossible to fight time.

As boyhood fades, so must friendship built on nights spent trying to get the Warcraft II multiplayer to work on a 28.8kb modem.

Reality is a bad place for a geek to be cast adrift in."


This post is a long one. And clearly it wasnt written by me.
1. I'm not attached
2. I'm not working
3. I'm language-ly challenged

The reason why I typed it out because I can relate it happening to me soon, about the growing up part and not the girlfriend part. Its a nice article in the newpaper, and I want to share it with you guys. Somehow, it takes a gamer to understand how a fellow gamer feels, esp now my computer has been wrecked.

I'm spending my new year in malaysia. And I hate it. Somehow when I spend new years in a foreign land, away from my motherland and friends, I dont remember to make new year wishes or resolutions. And that year usually get bads. Imagine all the happy new year sms-es at midnight, now turned to the tv in front of me, surrounded by little cousins too young to realise the importance of new year celebrations, watching crappy malaysian channels in the hot living room. Then its of to bed. No MSNs, no SMSes, no CALLS, no happy new year.

God damn it i really hate it when we have to go over to that country for relative visits. There's really nothing in the god damn boring days to do but just stare into the laptop hopping for it to be somehow connected to cyberspace. You can imagine its worst even before a laptop was bought. At least my sister has some friends there. I have NONE. My fellow same age cousins are already working and too old to play those hide and seek and running around and get scolded shit.

Even if I wanted to walk around taking pictures, its much too dangerous to just walk around alone, and even a mode of transportation isnt available except small bicycles intended for primary school kids and worn out bicycle left by my late grandma with punctured tyres and top speed of 2m per minute. I cant even ride the motorcycles yah, 1. no license, 2. my parents think I'm not compitent enough to handle one.

I really hate it going there at the dead end of the year. But I try to hide the dissapointment in my eyes, as I know my dad would be sad not being able to go back to his hometown to visit his brother and sisters.

Haix. Happy New Year my friends. I'm going to have a sucky year ahead.

P.S My previous post poll is still on. Leave a comment!

Blah - ahha - haha

I have to resort to my sis's laptop now.. Arg.

In advance, happy new year, hari raya haji, chinese new year, good friday, labour day, vesak day, national day, your bdae, hari raya pussa, christmas day, hari raya haji (again?!)...

I walked 12clicks yesterday! What a achievement! From 0830 at macritchie reservoir, all the way to HSBC treetop (I wont recommend anyone trying), then lunch then to bukit timah hill 1800++. AND in addition to the day before I went to bukit timah hill too. Now I can imagine the 72click road march. Woohoo.

If your reading this thanks to you for making it possible! Thankyou very much haha..the golf course was really fun!

Now....a poll for all of my dear friends! (dun worry if u dun know if u are one, cos if your reading this your already automatically drafted into the gd friends list. Mind you the list isnt very long you know so be glad! =D)

Do you think I should use my 2 payouts ( around $600+) to
1. Buy a gift for a friend (whois desperately in need of it, and yes it cost $600+)
2. Go for 2 objectif courses (www.objectifs.com.sg if you dont know. Its the photojournalism and shooting home courses. Its my dream to get in to shooting home!!)
3. Go a short travel before enlistment.
4. Or buy a PSP!!!!! ( I just saw a brand new white psp package with 1GB stick for just $499!! sure come in handy in NS LOR!!! Shit man....so gian... =O)

What say you my dear friends!!

Happy Christmas!!

This the season to be lonely,

Lala la la la. La La La La.


Its the festive season again! And the year is going to end on a sour note.. How sad. Let me explain...

-Somehow, the year started on a horrible bang. I was single again! What dang it was.
-Then it was new year, 2005, and I wasnt invited to any party or mahjong or stay overs. (not that I have been usually, but I can remember I was invited to one Last year)
-Then it was chinese new year, and it was record low in the stock markets! I recieved the lowest ever red packets. (not that i'm money face, but somehow it all pieces together to a year of shit)
-Then it was a boring year, I cant seem to recount on anything gd happening to me somehow. My attempt at meeting old friends resulted in meeting only 1, and I got to be a clown for her and her friend!
-I remember for my 19th birthday, I dont recount any presents or party for me. Not even any of my friends even ask me out to celebrate! And I thought bdae was a big deal. Bull-shit.
-And now, for this christmas, No party or anything! OK I was invited to one, but I dont really think it counts because I had to rush there after work, and reaching there almost when they where about to go home isnt the best party. And somehow, going into a living room full of alcohol smell isnt really a turn on. And I also dont really count a party with a 6 guys with a girl. Even LOTR on tv was a much need turn on for me.

I can sense some of you saying what a moron I am. Complaining about not invited to a party and when invited to one, still can critise it. Well, after my explaining above, if you all still can enjoy if u where in my shoes, then jolly gd for u.

-And I doubt there's going to be any new year plan for me as well.
-And as if things couldnt get worst, my graphic card just fizzled out on me, and I cant play my warcraft 3 with crashing my computer!!! Geez fuck.
-And it really turn holy shit when I wanted to install a game via cd, my DVD-CD driver gave up on me as well! Cant even detect the drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It isnt a happy holiday season for nothing! Judging by how things are going, I wouldnt count on a great next year. Going into NS? I'm giving up hope on everything else.

Life's a bitch when you hope for the best. zZz.

Merry christmas you filty animal. And a happy new year. (From home alone)

Omg LOW IQ

OK. Perhaps 1 main reason why I havnt recieved an army letter is because...


You guessed it. Low IQ. And I thought someone said (alot of people said) Commandoes all braws no brains.

Perhaps another reason is my high myopia degree. But only 350 both nia. Bo ko leng leh.

zzzz. My friends all commando or officer. Its hard to expect myself to be a INFANTRY MAN.

zzzz. I CANT BELIEVE IT!

I'm not going to spend my 2 years doing shit vocation.

Where's the honor and glory days!!!

The Boy(me) Just Dont Get it

No matter how hard I try, there are just somethings I cant get.

So many of my friends got chosen for commandos interview seh. And some of them isnt even interested. It just seems that the harder I try ( and say) I wan to get into the commandos, someone up there (or down) just wldnt let me. zZz?

And why everyone says commandos are a bunch of brawns and no brains? Its like so shit lor for **** sake. No other unit trains as hard (or harder) then them, and isnt on the first on the fronts lines. And all these cant even get some decent respect? zzz/.

Short update, was working at expo, and I also cant seem to understand why City Harvest (wo0t holy) can attract so much happy goers. And some how, after my some what casual observation, they all seem to have the same aura around them. Its kinda scary. To me, of course, they some how dress alike (same dress sense), and they walk alike, have the errie stare in their eyes, they have the baggy eyes, pale skin. Young and sucked of their essence.

Zombies?

I mean this just my personal stand point, and I still respect them as a religion, but perhaps my somehow limited knowledge of their operations (saying this to protect myself in any case,) cannot really truly judge them.


But seeing 30 thousand of them in 3 sessions is really a sight to behold.

-

1. kill

2. Be rich

3. I hate $$$

d-s-a-e-w-q

if only everything like the above is so simple.

Sometimes, things seem so near, but actually its so far. You dream for the best for yourself, however, it was never meant to be.

Time and time again I've wished not to fall into this trap. I am too weak.


Pes A for medical.

"Do your peers think National Service is a waste of time?" - Strongly agree
"Do you think National Service is a waste of time?" - Strongly disagree

I'm wishing for the commando's letter to arrive.
Perhaps in my 2yrs, I can find honour and glory to occupy my heart. To make it stronger.

Rather then love.

Love?

Coming to recall, I have not met anyone who hasnt had the same relationship till now, since the beginning when I know that person.

Weichao, on off 2 yrs, now single.
Yaomin, on off for as long as I know him, currently unknown.
Ck, 2yrs, now single.
Junren, 2yrs +, now single.
Sam, 2yrs +, now attached with another person.
Daniel, 2yrs ?, heard on the verge of singlehood.
Pangchune, 1yr, single.
My cousin, ???, attached but I knw he changed 3 times.
My female cousin, about the same.
Jasper, ???, single (no comments)


I'm sure I've forgotten some. Even I didnt last out. Whats there to be said?

And no, I'm not lonely, I'm enjoying singlehood, and laughing at those who say their in love right now.

World Aids Day

If you got $38...

Go scare yourself. Get an aids test done.

Exciting isnt it. You know what you have done before..

What if I didnt..But it turned out positive..


Try it today at your nearest GPs, Polyclinics and hospitals.

s t r e s s

@$%!#$!##%

Sorry I wasted your time reading this.









I've wasted mine already.

Hmm

Had a dinner with my long lost (not that lost) secondary sch friend. Very insightful, and although kenna suan about my poor language abilities, still it was still fun dinner, with her college jo as well.

But I will admit it is a total failure to impress thou. Somehow I just cant stop being a 15yr old at heart, and not that impressive you know, like I'm not quite sure about footing the bill -_-.

There are some things to be reflected on, and regarding the previous post as well.

I find that no matter how much I choose to close myself to the world, I cant. All these friends that I have now are friends I have met through much joking and crapping, they're here because of my wacky behaviour. And true to say, being wacky is my nature. A leopard cant change its skin ( in direct translation, laugh all you want! ), so I understood that it would not be right to change my nature, to change me to another person.

But perhaps what I will change is my attitude to others. IF you guys havnt know I have the fuck you attitude if I dont quite like you bullshit. This few days I was sick as well, doesnt have much energy to go pissing around for nothing, and I find, being nice sure beats being grumpy ( energy consuming. we need to save energy ). Lets strive for a better world to live in =)

And about my photos, somehow I cant believe someone will compare me to someone else who isnt a professional and say my photos sucks. Yes I know my photos isnt the best, and I know I a level lower then most photographers out there, but hearing someone saying in your face that your 3rd class really deals a blow. My PHOTOS LACK DIRECTION! Doesnt tell a story.

I'm going to kick start my career in photography. Better now then never. Never too late to start.

I'm going to do volunteer service, hopefully with the association for the blind or some other handicap association. To boost my confidence in taking portraits, improve my skill, and return some good to the society.

I must prove my worth, develop my style, find my identity.

After a chain of events, I have decided that I talk too much for the past 19 yrs, shown too much emotions, fucked (verbally) too much people, made too much enemies, made too few friends, still single at this time, and accomplished nothing.


There is the cheerful chongyew, the funny chongyew, the crappy chongyew, the dreadful chongyew, the disgusting chongyew, the evil chongyew, the big ego chongyew, the super confident chongyew, the I dun give a fuck about you chongyew.

All these is to change. From now on no one will remember who is chongyew. His standing in the background when there is group pictures taken. His keeping quiet in the meeting. He never attends any social functions. He never answers any telephone. He never replies on msn. Do you know who's chongyew? No never heard of him.

I'm going to destroy myself.

1. Becoming transparent in any forms of communication.
2. Be emotionless. Dont smile laugh fret angry.
3. Use of one liners. (if there is a need to converse)
4. Dont talk.
5. Stake out at a place of my own alone when I'm free.
6. Minimise contact with people.
7. Refuse gatherings.

This will make me = cold, selfish, emotionless, ignored, discarded, invisible.
No hate, no love, no friends, no enemies.

If you see me on the streets. I will faint smile and walk on.
You will never know my opinions of you. Whether like or dislike, love or hate, all you get is a winter cold front.

If you ask me for an opinion, I will say none.

In my heart, there will be conflicts. There will be opinions. But none will make it out. No one will know. Its all hidden under my expressionless face.



No one will remember who I am.

After a few years, I will emerge when I am ready to make a new world for myself. Perhaps then, all the people I know would have left me.

Chong yew as you have know, is gone.


Farewell.

(comments will be removed from now on.)

Grumpy old man

Hey man. I think I have let the world off leniently for the pats few weeks. There hasnt been much cursing and swearing for quite a while I believe!

Duh whats happening to me. Btw I have no dates this weekend, so mei an you get to see my empty spirit at esplanade if your there.

Short update. My club is in the dumps, I'm devoting more of my time to it to try to rebuild it. Sch's started, much more harder modules, so I'm tied down once again. No shooting planned for weekends to come.


1 more month to my long awaited medical. I better start training.

And when the stress becomes e=mc² its time to FUCK SOMEBODY.

(grrr)

I would have killed you if I had the chance.

The guessing game

Me : Free this wkend? Wanna go catch a movie, we can have dinner, I know this great place for desserts. And if we have time, maybe we can chill at the esplanade roof terrace.

Her : Oh whoa! K...Tat's something i wld do with my girlfriend in holidays at least once... But from a guy....... U askin me on a date....is tat wat it is?

Me : Haha. Which ever it is your comfortable with. I guess whats impt is we're comfortable when we're out. yup.

Her : Very neutral ans... Want to be on e safe side huh? But hey how am i suppose to knw how do u classify it?

Me : Hmm... Haha for me i guess whats impt is meeting and spending time with you. So yah its a date. c=

Her : Hmmmok.... Thankx for tellin it upfront.....(rest of the sms is not impt)


Right. There's my date for next wk! I dun like mind games, but you still need use your brain ^^

Me.

I found a old picture of me. Haha comically styled hairstyle.

Old values?

Old values no longer have a place in this world?

Friendship, loyalthy, love, respect, and so many more.

What are the new values people live by? Lies and deceit?

Am I to die with them?

The Community Service Trip

Here are the updates from my trip! I've chosen to cut it short by just posting pictures.

Day 1


Its 0100..And I'm still packing

Only slept at 0200+.


Just about to depart, team susan lanka @ departure gate 10


Its very sunny you know. First light in Sri Lanka!


Sri Lankan Airlines...


Already in the van...It has been 2hrs since we set off to our destination, Galle town, where we will stay for 2wks.


Still in the van...Somewhere....Fancy sitting in a chair the size just bigger then your butt in the same position for 6hrs?


A welcomed breather! We stopped at this place where 1500 ppl died when the tsunami came. It has since become a tourist attraction.


Wrecked.


Finally! We have reached...by the way, its a house with a fake door infront. The real door's at the back.


First family dinner! Only salty fired rice thou.

Different clicks

I wander further from my friends.

A group went to zouk today.

My old class had a class gathering while I was gone.

It has come to this. Is this the end?

Finally, on the grey shores.

I have fallen.

Honey! I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Hi.

No time to blog. Slept till 12pm today, need to chill,

Now processing pics, tml have to chiong to FYP again.

No more hols T.T

I'll slowly update sri lanka on my blog. Stay tuned.

Very sad leh I left no one left any well wishes on my blog. T.T

Bye.

Srilanka - 4th to 17th

bye.

I'll miss you all. by hook or by crook.

I hope I get back in a piece.

Silence

You start to concentrate casting The wall of silence.
You finish casting The wall of silence on yourself.



It stays here, until the day I leave for srilanka. Its Oct 3rd btw.

bullshit

Hi.

Exam time no time to blog. Here's a short update.

1. I am beginning to dislike you, not that it matters to you.

2. Hate level = 999!

3. Studying level = God like

4. Praying level = Lemme ask you smt, when u left 2hrs to study 16wks stuff do you pray??


Things to get for srilanka :

Teva sandals
First aid kit
Oakley Sunglasses ( if can )
2.5" 40gb Hdd
Shorts
$400.
$50.


Somehow, Its FUCKING SIAN and i am FUCKING DISTURBED.

Just ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Rain drops keep failing on my head~

hmm..

am going out soon, and because someone request i'm here!

Just finish my test yesterday, wad a panick. I may have failed the test, but passed tt module! Horray! I continue to amuse myself of cramming at last minute to produce results of 2days or cramming. o.0~

there's this thing about rain, gd or bad ? You decide youself bah
Thursday went to sch (finally) to collect stuff from my friend, hoping to use it for srilanka, only for him to say he wants it back on sunday (well done). Anyway, I went to sch with the intent of sending her home (yupz). So after slacking in club with a long chat with club mates, went to dover to wait for her. Haha didnt wait long, and so easy to identify her from far (was it me only?).

Yeap...so went to JE, alighted, she went to takeaway food home. Then when we where about to leave the hawker JUST NICE it rained. Was quite heavy too.

"wow heaven so nice to me suddenly summoned thunderstorm so tt we can share one umbrella...."

Mind you hor it was the first time I was sendin her home k. I mean..how coincidental can it be.
It was raining too this morning. Bout 3am. And sometimes, when its rainy, you'll wish some one was there beside you, wif some warmth and care.


Erm. I think I'm going to lose my regular audience. *grasps*

Winds of Change

Havnt been blogging much lately. Havnt had the drive, havnt went to sch, my days were spent holed up at home with my pc and new keyboards n mouse.

I've been forced to review my purpose in blogging, cos yesterday someone asked me to(blog_), and while I was waiting for this page to load I was flipping thru my mind instantly, why am I doing this? Even my dad ask me why....(he saw the lawsuits on 2 male bloggers posting sensitive racist remarks. Makes me wanna stop talking about that cos you never know when some farky ass little people of the world might just find your blog and give them to viva la authority de singapour.)

And by the end of that fullstop(above sentence) I have already know the answer to the question. D a r n myself.

Because of Pigging(thanks sweetie) at home, there isnt much to hate in the outside world. So thankfuly, NO HATE in this entry(do I hear rejoice.) But sadly, my blog actually revolved around my hate for people around me and the need to release myself in this pathetic cyberspace. Maybe its time for a change?

1.-> to Ada, if your reading this, thanks for visiting my gallery! Your email happen to hit me at an rather unfortunate timing (I was gaming.) So I didnt summon enough zen to reply you hehehe. According to me, you must reach the perfect equilibrium and complete serentity to reply emails. Once sent there isnt anyway your going to get it back. (thou and behold! If you happen to get my emails save it and treasure its one in a 1000000.)

more to ada-> when are our pay coming along! we need money badly to fund our trip to sri lanka~ and when is our bbq! not that I'm looking forward to that as well. Blah no point talking about old stuff. Pick up the hints along my past entries.

-> Ya its true I guess I express myself better with my photos. BnW especially. (opens email to refer to ada's mail cos old man really forgot what to say..)

Oh ya! No problem to teaching la, wont charge either I'm still novice anyway. I'll be happy to spread the joys of photography around! (Eeyer! so nobel leh....)

On the part of opening up, perhaps I shall work on it. Anyone out there can let me open myself and pour my disgusting monkey stomach, slimy intestines, darkened bladder on you? Haha I guess there aint much people in the world who can accept the hideous sinister monkey demon. (My sec sch friends used to refer me as monkey god in the folklore Journey To The West. But erm...I old liao and nasty liao and my climbing tree technique also going 0% so demon more like it.)

.....

To that special someone, really sorry didnt acc you yesterdae, I hope you'll give me a 2nd (actually 3rd) chance~ I really pig wor, stuck at home liao really cannot go out!
Perhaps I need motivation, would you be mine =PpP.



Counting down to 18days to sri lanka. Maybe I can let the tamil tigers kidnap me, I make friends with them, take pictures, and increase my potfoilo! ai seh, my parents will kill me even if the tigers dun ';....;'

1.Waiting for my pay $400.
2.Waiting for my medcial + 4 immunisation japs
3.Waiting for my lens
4.Waiting for 1st Oct (bonding time with my team to sri lanka)
5.Waiting for..you to reply me ~

sunday=slacking

heh.. dunno wad to blog leh..
today slack whole day so sianz~ so relaxing.. i feel tat i am adapting to the pigs lifestyle.. haha~
eat slack, eat slack, wonder when is my turn to be chopped into pieces *just like the orchard case* omg~
hmm.. i tink woman wif long wavy black hair is SeXy~ =pPp


Haha very attentive readers will know this isnt written by me, much less my evil twin, so yes if you havnt know THIS (which is the one on top) isnt written by me.

What should I say, this mysterious blogger hasnt got long hair, yah long wavy black hair is sexy, but your two tails are much more cute and sexy as well =D

Here's something for ü,

When I first added u on msn, really didnt expected to keep chatting with u! Haha seems like cant stop right now can I.

This surely beats the testimonal on friendster :

Your so fun to talk to, full of surprises haha. And so sporty as well. You probably can beat me in bball as well =x.
Cant wait to see you online, then all those funny emoticons. Cant wait to msg you, to make your hp bill go kaboom! (ops).


I'll keep this short, cos I dun know you well to say much (unlike those friend on friendster so fake right, just add only never even talk to each other can say tons of crap in testimonal.).

I wan to know you better! haha.

Bleah. I'm starting to wonder if people know I am bloggin this. hmm. =D

You know what?

This is the third time i deleted and retyped the entry.

Fucked up flicker minded.

After all these, all i learn is to STFU.

YOU say all you wan. Fuck off after that

Little people of the world unite

Sorry havnt been posting lately. Was working at the comex show for 4 days, now this week I have a couple more projects due too, I'm pretty busy for the first time.

Just a short post here, I'm alright thou and tired.

Well, regards to the title, there is much explaining to do, but I dun have the effort to type it out here. All you need to know, is that there are pretty much of these guys in singapore, you might just find one beside you as a friend or round the corner, or even better still, just round that thread in a particular forum.

Well, doesnt really matter i flame you here on my blog, but YOUR record speaks for itself.

Let the mind games begin.

Comex once again

Its gd to see the old faces, yet the new faces give me a uneasyness (correct speeling?).

Bloogin at this titme is a whore, can be seen by the mistakes i make here, i trinh to tpre properly. tml still habve fyp at 8 am, then work till 2200 houtse ahain.

last time was so lookinh forward to working with canon. Now all gone liao so sad. Just no motibation. arg wtf i typing now sia. sarbuck hang oer just so powerful man at 0100 in the morning.

Bloggin with m eyes closed, btw bblind man won the superstar. hoorat at lwast sp no braggin right s liao fags.

fuck la i go slp liao cb lse tml work shit ll print out kns one zzz.

wad a gaf y is there u n me. it there is god he hates me to plauing this hoke on me

tts it i cmi it liao qwefdsagfdgha fgreqrgfayjtwjsgfbsfje
afdgeoluirehvfdna dlgkfdamg;kefmad
flunf;doiaghjuqnewjbaFD;GJKNFADG
AIHfuiherjk;aerfijgkj;adfjgndgdgaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

---

ok its been 2k viewership must update once.

As times goes by I am more certain of my dream. To be a photographer.

Did I mention this but as I shoot I forget all my sorrows and have no more worries for tml. Its just pure enjoyment to see how my photo turn out.


And...Its just a joy to talk to you... =D

A fresh new breath of air

Hi. Anyway people say I always blog the same thing so lets change it shall me

Hate level = zero today. Its was quite pleasant today. At least I passed my stats test today.

Just yesterday saw a super duper cute girl on sp sports complex! Really can go gaga over her! I shall always remember the soft tone of her voice, waving her petite hands, those bleaming eyes saying to me, "Bye Bye~".

Man my jaw was dropping down and I can be like a dog playing and taggin along if wont for her aunt there. I'm sure she will become a great lady someday. All the best for you!

No way you know anything about me..

If I dont blog.


Its just sickening to blog nowadays.

Gd nite

Alright folks.

No more blogs tonight.

3 in a day is higher then the recommended dosage.

I.......nvm. /GOne.

oops

i think i just shaved my lips. skinless on top man! feel like being in a cold n dry country.

go try, its fun.

....

This post dedicated to a norm yeah. So read carefully if you would.

1. My previous post wasnt talking about you yeah. Dun get so upset.

2. I wonder who you are, but if I know its killing all the fun isnt it

3. Thanks for staying here and read. I appreciate it.

Erm actually I only have 4 things to say in the end. So its morning and I havnt had breakfast yet.

You see, when you say smt, people have the wrong message most of the time. If only I had the skill and level to shoot a picture to express what I want to say.

If only.

What fuck?

Hi. If you dun want to waste your time dun read. If you are interested to find out what I type here you can always msg me in MSN and I will give you the answer "Oh I Oright la hor How ar you ah?" I swear it is your decision to stay here and read and you can always fucking click that RED CROSS at the TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER if you feel like I am making you boiling with adreline. One last word. FUCK OFF NOW and I FUCKING SAID IT. Nabei I make sound like a disclaimer. IT KNNBCCB IS DAMN IT.

If I am wasting your fucking time, dun even be a cheebye and switch to my blog.

If I have to be public nme no.1 I will. But I think I already am, if not why fucking hell so many people call me son of a bitch.

Tmd I dun wan to say la hor, cb later tucker come shoot me in my house, but you dun come here and any cb shoot lor. For hell sake you wanna give advice can use a fucking better tone? Use some indian accent if you can. Ops thats not an advice you gave. Its a Fucking wake up call.

Damn dulan leh hor. No la ok la. Its TRUE. I AM bitching. Fucking knnccb Cant I even be a fag in my own blog. Thats why I hate men(all the birds and pussy). They judge too much. They speak too much. Then after I type this, some ccb say ok lor, dun care la let you bloody rot to death. YOu see the stinky dilema? No. Everyone start cursing and swearing man, This gy cy damn fucked up. Dat cb even shoot us! Fuck him man, strip him down and slap his pussy. Throw him in the fuggin cold river and let his nipples freeze and chink them off! Rip his skin from his skin! Oh boy doesnt the hatred exist in you my friend.

No wonder your pet is your best friend. He doesnt talk back, all he do is listen.

Aiya enough lah. Damn fucking sian man. Here's something till the next long time I'm going to lj blog. Dunnoe why, I deleted what I type, cos its going to be so fucking obvious to that person. Then he/she will come shoot me yyet again. So I change to something to summarise myself.

Oh just remembered tucker use the word puny. O.O

1. I am weak minded fool. Too easy get cheated sia!

Ok thats it for a long time. I think I'm off finding another medium to express myself.

Oh ya forget the hate level. Now is multiple target liao right?

1/0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000009 = current level. Fuck off.

Ppl win and Ppl Lose And I hate people.

Today superstar,

That blind guy didnt win. You can SEE the dissapointment in his eyes.

That nus guy won. You can see his "Yes I did it" face.

Somehow, i have mixed feelings. That blind guy cant dance, how can he be superstar? I dont like that nus guy either.

ABout my previous entry, it just hit me on my way home. Emotions = weak. That is where you be gunned down. Let my heart be as cold as ice, as solid as stone. Be merciless.

Wtf did I learnt this from.


Sorry double post today. I am a bitch, and I feel like one today.
Olright, after viewing my friends blog, I really should envy her for all her friends to wish her HBD. Just look at me!

Fuck. Human = not a singlarity. We cannot exist alone. There is a need to feed our emotion.

This is just pathetic. After reading another blog (female btw), I feel like, I'm non existent on this world! OMFG. Ok thats it. I'm so fucking done here. Why do I feel like I sound like a whinning kid! OMFG. Must be the panadol. Lemme go get another one.

From now on, its just me and my camera. No more no less. I really hate humans, the interpersonal feel, the world, and if there is god, Hi. I hate you.

What will I do in the event

The day will come when she has a new love.

The day will come when it means the end.

The day will come when...I shld let go?

The day will come, and what action will I take?

Somehow, I wished it will never happen, but its not up to me isnt it. I read something elsewhere, where those ppl who moved on are the ones who are better off. But eh, the problem is I cant.

Fucked up eh. You know, its everyday. Not once per week or the next time I see her. ITS everyday. Woah. I wonder will anyone consider me a pyshco or smt. Who knows?

For the first time, I never wished for anything on my bdae. Nor did I recieve anything, presents or stuff. I had to fucking threat myself, aint that pathetic leh. I wonder how many more lonely "special" days to come about. Till, 30? 40?

Oh my, I dont get mushy or anything. But I am really long for the time that was spent. You probably heard this a million times, but HOw I wish I could turn back time, a second chance. But I wldnt think I would have the slightest possibility. Maybe she already has negative comments about me.


Last words, My heart is going .
.
.
.
.
.
down.

Msgs I want to keep.

I dun have time for e forum, i am always buzzing with fyp. thats why i always remind you all to keep me update becos i dun wan to be like other alumni that kinda lost contact. Anyway if i got time i will read e forum but i wont comment on the pictures anymore, since none really appreciates my "i like it" praises. Nevermind, Regarding e dinner, its too late, my mum already cooked. So enjoy you all. Happy national day. Happy shooting, Hate level = 0. I am not angry, just a lil disappointed.

Why are things always so complicated.

Hate level = 1. (There is bound to have at least abit of hate. I am an angry youth remember.)

No time to BLog.

No time to blog! Some of ya must be waiting to see how I described the fugged outing on sat.

HAVE I BECOME XIAXUE? OMG.

But..Nah its over and I aint pissing no more, editing of photos can release Stress!

Do visit my gallery, got a couple of new photos like this :



Shot over yesterday, SDSC track n field meet. Featuring disabled wheel chair cyclist.



Shot over esplanade, it was an exhibited work. This was the rare time I shot alone.



www.cyp.sym18.com


Go now.

Love Saves the Day after all. Or Does it?

Haha.

Veliani if only I could communicate with you in higher levels of english! You always saves my day. =)

Ok it has been a few days. As I predicted the sky was fucked that fateful day, and that stayed all the day till then end, where there was a relieving sunset. Kinda sums up the day, it was a fucking day, till the end. Makes me believe there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for all who wished me. Thank you very much. Heres some hall of flames i'd like to share!
(keeping the sms inside lags my hp. I'm using analogue phone thankyou.)


Yo happy birthday dude, let me know if u going to shoot tml, i bringing cam along.
Mai sound like its doomsday la, cheer up fucker! Haha
(10/10, originality and calling me a fucker)

happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
birthday manz
(8/10, simple and such a giveaway to who sent it)

Happy birthday boy! Now a grown up boy. Besta wishes.
(6/10, Kinda stressed after reading this)

Happy birthday. Bought you nothing as a present but a piece of sincere bdae greetings. Happy birthday once again.
(5/10. Could you sound happier, sounds like its a chore to sms)


But nonetheless, I appreciate all the sincere well wishes. Sorry if in anyway you feel forced to wish a fucking sucker.
For those who never said anything, I'm going to fug you at a cinema near you. Just joking.

19 years on.

FUCKING HELL BLOGGER JUST DELETED MY ENTRY I TYPED FOR 1 FUCKING HOUR.

I'm typing what I remembered. Fucked up.

-----------------------------------------------


Time to blog again. I forgot most of the things, so its offically fucked.

Time to reflect on what I have done for 18 years and 364 days.
I Cant remember 12 years of my life. I dont even have fucking pictures to look at.

Here's what I can think on 6 years 364 days.

1. Decent o levels.
2. 1 past relationship.
3. winning a photographic compeition. No big fuck.
4. I regret saying I wont regret saying anything.

These 4 things, are the one's who pop out. Buddha blessed me with such a life. Sorry i'm not religious. Just dont feel like using god.
These 4, doesnt say where I am, who I am, what I am gd at. Actually it does. It says,

-I'm in singapore
-I'm fucking ugly, no character, disgusting, boring
-I'm good at boasting!
-I'm a fucker.



There you go! Life as it is. Moving on...

I feel bdae are a good day to judge the good/close friends around you. Those who sms-es, email, seldom calls, rarely snail mails, never in your face. But this year I have given up on this false hopes, anticipation. The higher you hope, the harder you fall.

Incase reality just grabbed you, your a fucker, and dont bother to sms me. I dont fuck myself by saying "thanks for being my friend all these years."



For tml, After my fucking tests, which is a reminder of the misery in life, I'm going to wander around. With my camera doug by myside.

I dont feel like going home.
I dont feel like celebrating.
I dont feel like asking anyone out.



This year, all I feel is the pain, anger, hatred, despair, angush.
Who say's its happy and joyful when its your bdae.
Maybe I'll die crossing the road tml. Here's a advance gd bye and take care.

Its dark, lonely, cold tml.

I'm deactivating my hp tml, till I feel like going home.

Happy bdae fucking screwed cream lightsaber.

track.

Just deleted my post yesterday, saved it as log for future reference.

Hate level : 5 pts.

Aww

It has been long. So busy this short break. None gd rest so far. Everyday is spent in sch.

I feel so mentally drained. So weak. And there is so much things to do!

1. Poly forum
2. Mile program?
3. Sri lanka Experdition
4. Medical.

All happening in a short space of a month of hols! Omggg.

My dream was to become an astronaunt. But thats not possible, the next best thing was to be a pilot. Thats not so possible too, the next best thing is an officer. If I had the chance, would I sign on as an officer? My friend said, his not going to forsake a profession in photography. Should I as well?

It has been sometime since my previous post. Was I alittle too oversensitive. But what has done has been done. Nope I'm not going to the extreme end. Am too tired. All these games...are unnessecary. Or was I playing with myself, playing with fire? I dont even know what I am talking. Fuck it.


Another friend was quick to point out something. We where on a photoshot. Had one idea, he said it was cheena, I scraped. He had an idea, it was cheena, he didnt scrap! He said,

Because your ego too big, thats why you cant try it out!

Sia lah, i'm fucked upside down. Very true indeed. Changed with immediate effect. Thanks pal.
Its this kind of comment that can fucking change one's life. And suddenly, I planned to do a series on my friends. What?! Dont fuck me. I'll fuck you back with interest.

I think I have changed. Back in those years, I envy those couples. Now, I hate them. Shldnt use the word hate. I resent. I cant help but think, the ugly side when they quarrel, when they argue, when its time for the ultimate breaking up.

What have I becomed! I have transcended from a level where I hate "Anti-racism band" (Only those who know the 2 types of ppl I hate will understand) as much as I resent couples on the road. Hate level is now...jet black.

I have a friend who broke up after 2 serious years of relationship. Why? The girl was too practical. HE just wasnt rich enough.

I have a friend going after a girl who is attached. HE mentioned about turning back time, where he would have done smt. I would have guessed he would have made the move.

Is relationship so fucking important? So fucking essential? WHY?

I told myself. Get myself a 1D MKII. Travel the world. Search for enlightenment through my lens. I Will make it happen. Someone said,

if u look down on ur dream, then it is not a dream
and if u think ur dream is nv fulfilled, den why dream? its not a dream
always live up ur dream

Erm, why did I paste this? Nvm fuck it. I'm off.

Hate Index is now : 450 pts .

Comment.

Sometimes I dun understand why.

Although I had this discussion before, but it do makes one wonder why one would need comments on one's picture?

Tucker told me his point of view. And for his case I totally agree. Sometimes, when u ask people to comment on a picture, it must be of some standard, else you wont post it. That so, why do you seek comments? So that people will say its NICE and give you some moral booster?

I don't know why issit I treasure your comment so much. Not that you have done any. OOps. I swear I wldnt be hinting anyone. My Mistake.

From here on and, I shall lock myself against unnecessary comments. This is my photography. I choose the influence I want (not from comments. Rather like ansel, greg, etc) . I shall improve my own photos. Lets stay down to earth, and try not to get myself hurt in the process, thinking that your comments are meaningful to me.

/me gone.

Initial D

Because you are always running alone

Never had you been competing with others

Remember

Never have the urge to compete with others

Dont compete with others, What you want to win, is yourself

a + b + c

Yesterday was a meaning full day. We had our basic phototgraphy workshop.

Johnathan is a 2nd year sp student, studying DCnT. His looks just like any other teenager. What sets him apart is, his deaf. But this did not hindered him in learning photography. I was his instructor.

He was honored to have me as his instructor. I was honored to have him as my student.

We knew each other back when he was year 1, joining us for our photography camp. He left halfway, but we had fond memories of him.

Thanks to PS, we communicated with the help of a laptop. The notes were self explanatory, and I was doing the typing most of the time. I wondered if I got the point across, cos he didnt said much. But hopefully he got it.

During some spare time I was constantly learning some simple sign languages from him.

How are you?
I am fine.
I understand.
Where.
Yes.
No.
I dont know.
Animal.
Human.
J, N, C, Y, T.
Take care.
See you again.
Joking.
Lets go eat.

Friends

Haha. Never has the words friends be so meaningful. After sdsc and yesterday, I have gained another valuable insight into the world that was locked to me. I am thankful, for the life I have now. Thanks mom, thanks dad. You wldnt get to see this. But you will know, someday.

This is not the life I wanna have.

Hi.

I want to be in the army.

Counting another 1/2 years.

I want to be ignorant like before.

Counted. Thats way over due.

I want to BE MYSELF.

Counting another millenium.

NKF?

Hi its time for another episode for hear cy kpkb on his blog time.

Its 1 lightyear since I have blogged. Oh. Its mean it has been long since I've blogged. No its not the distance. Nope you dont get it. No thats not it either. #!$!#!%$^#@!@. Forget it.

Back to the main topic. Here's a short, I mean 160cm update on myself.

1. Fallin in love with corrinne May's voice. So......My english bad sorry cant describe.

2. 500 shots on my 10D X 2 ! Upz...

3. I'm still fortunately single. ( Yes you've got it right! All the girls are blessed, cos my friends say anyone's whois my gf is a terrible thing to happen to the girl. Isnt that right guys! = )

4. Emotional status = Rainbow. ( Dont know what mood to be in. So funny. Like happy for a while then sad for a while then angry for a while then gungho for a while. Nope this is not PMS mind you. Its called .... can you give me a name?)

OK short break for game. I'm training for WCG. Dont know? World Cyber Games. Dont know? You know hor, the whole world lor, then hor, diff color people hor, come play game lor, then hor, see who more zhai lor, then hor, win some cash and title lor. (.........)

Ok backed. For the first time my life is so hectic. There are so many test and deadlines, so many unplanned stuff and proposals to submit. Its hard. But it gave me a grip on reality and time. And again for the first time I know how time is short and passes like a bird shit thats on your way to your head and your looking at it( Ok it means very fast. Do I hear "....." ).

Although I reilliterate (correct speeling boh?) my stand to be single, I suddenly plan not to type this out incase of being accused of being .....

Ok. SO there is this NKF thing. So do you know the CEO is getting 25k a month salary. And he travels in first class on NKF funds. And he accessorized his office with a 1k gold tap. What a wonderful kidney foundation! So does my $4 out of a $5 donation go to your pay? Oh. I dont have the right to know where my $5 out of my $200 per month allowance go? Oh ok.

You can kiss you donations good bye. I just heard they withdraw the lawsuit against SPH. This is what we call a quiter, a loser, a noob.

Its quite sad to see those people who are really in need of public support and donations to carry on living. But somehow I am not donating again.

Ever.

?

haha. Hope none of you gain my negative influence. I am a bad guy.No one associates with. I havnt heard before, "Oh ya! I know CY! His ok lar...blah blah blah". I have only heard before, "Oh! That GY CY ah!".

Someone just left an obvious hint for someone. If its so obvious, why is there a need to say?

Sometimes I feel my life is like one of my black and white picture. No colors in life. Just portraying the struggles between the elements. Just being plain with a soft grey. Contradicting? There are always 3 sides. Black, White, Grey.

dis a soci a tion

Hi. I am blogging to an fucking situation that I may have rediscovered.

I left my worst part of my entire fucking life behind and fucked on. O'rite, perhaps some of you might say I am ungrateful, cheat, ass, wadeva fucking nouns and adjectives you can find.

But the problem is, I have to reannouce, that I have a fucking attitude. And that is why I have so many fucked up enemies. Lets not use the word enemies. I have too many fucked up non supporters. Yes. Because I have a ATTITUDE PROBLEM. I remember someone said before, I have a attitude YOU ALL CANT HANDLE.

I JUST deleted some fucking entries in fear or insulting or degrading or wadeva fuck to my readers. Anyway. I just like to say. I AM FUCKING HAPPY (dun sound like? LOL) NOW. DONT GET ME INVOLVED in any of your PUNY LIFE, LIFESTYLE, ACTIVITIES, WADEVA FUCK.

Aiya. Fuck care liao lar. VP suppose to set gd example also. But knnbccb lar I sibei dulan liao. Lucky I know no small kids reading this. But I know perhaps 1 or 2 ladies might be reading. OH isnt that great. Perhaps some introducing and I will be permanently single. In case you dont know who I am :

CHong Yew of SP of DARE3A02 of MM.

And OH. Perhaps I have a fucking PUNY brain. Let me go squash against the wall.

New post.

Oh hi.

I am now the vice president of the singapore polytechnic photographers.

Its time.

REALLY BUAY SONG

There is some point of time. When I am really buay song. And I am really buay song. If I was from the normal tech. If I was only from some gang. You would have been dead. Trust me.

******************* (Different ppl now)

I saw you. After a long time. No contact between us. I didnt know how are you. I guess you dont give a fuck about me either. I want to speak to you. But your like an icy cold fortress. I know wadeva I do, it'll still be the same. For I, has already been in your No No list. So What the fuck am I still thinking about.

*******************(Different issue now)

So what the fuck. Is there such a time when there is nothing everyone can comment about one's pictures. I guess its time I stop asking for comments and GET the comments from myself. I am on my own.

1000 Views!

Ha. Last time I was here was about 800 views. Has viewership increased?

Anyway I'm here to annouce my new gallery. Thanks to sam for the host.

www.cyp.sym18.com

Do enjoy your stay and comments are always welcomed!

Sick...

About my previous post. Just jokin eh. I wouldnt want any sugarmummy or anything. Its good being single. No strings attached eh. I shall earn my worth!

Anyway, I have been sick for more then 2weeks! Like no cure leh. Then my bones around my hips aching like hell. 3DAYS liao!

How I wish I had my parents back for some home cook food. I need to get better. I sick, so no posting on montage n my 20D. Soon...real soon.

Sex sells.

Hi. I'm home. I'm suppose to go to school? Did I hear wtf? Olright wadeva man. There was a time when I had the urge to go to sch, to see someone, someone constantly reminded me to go to sch. I think if it wasnt for her, I would have dropped out last sem. But anyways thats all over, and the impt thing is i'm now at home.

Was surfing blogs when I came along this blog. Another blog by an sexual active teenager. She's looking for a sugardaddy, and she's 16! You might have seen this on the chinese newspaper. So anyways I there looking around her post, and yes I'm curious about what she types, her sexual encounters and stuff.

And what can I say? I Must have been born into...hmm...the correct family? Not so sure, but certainly with the traditional chinese value installed into me. I'm born into a moderate family, note = no poor, just selfsustainable.

So anyways, this girl, was like, bascially looking for a sugardaddy (If you dont know I suggest you go checkitout). Like erm..$500 per night sort of thing? And to think that she is poor...Hmm..no no. She is actually quite wealthy, HER parents are wealthy. So I can understand when she say's $150 per night is CHEAP. Sort to think maybe it is. But with $150 what can you buy? Cheap levis and cheap guess watches? I'm like wtf.

OK maybe I'm stingy or wadeva you describe. But wth, $150 is alot to me! There I was sweating ( as in literally) yesterday night at sentosa, my first corperate event shoot, Sony's D&D, for 6hrs, for $115.

In a short night, having sex (which I'm sure you must be enjoying it or smt, at least I do), for $150-$500!

You know how much is that??

2times = $1000 = Brand new 580ex (Flash)

3times = $1500 = Brand new 17-40L (Lens)

4times = $2000 = New bag, New hp, New equipment!

Maybe I should pimp myself.

To all sugarmummies out there! If your reading this, do drop me a email! I'll glady get back to you!.

Dying soon..

Hi. I am dying soon.

Age has finally caught up with me.

Every second I can feel the thinner of air around me.

Every minute I cough, in soft spasm.

Every hour, my eyes grows smaller.

Every day, I feel weaker, my muscles contract.

I am dying.

Montage 2005

Building up to the event of the year...maybe the event of my lifetime so far.

I hope people are proud of me. I represent SPP, SP, ZHSS, primary sch dun say lar, my parents...

Just 3 more days. The excitement is killing me. Cant time go any faster??

deleted comment

who!!! Who was that!

Free tix!

Hmz here comes the hard part. So there is a free tix after all! But the condition is that the person gets to sit beside me yeah.

Was chatting to a friend just now, then was asking her (yes her) would she like to you know wad. Well she politely declined and said she wasnt deserving enough eh. And if people see us how? haah.

Well.. Should someone deserving enough to sit beside me? How would you define deserving? Raymond for lending me the camera? Everyone who was busy so that I had the chance to cover the event which produced the shot? Tucker for the BnW influence? My parents??

Well. I'm just looking for a plain and simple friend to accompany me. If I cant find anyone then I shall sit ***** ( those dreaded 5letter words, which people for centuries and aeons and worldwide try to avoid).

I had a friend saying to me, winning a prize should be an joyous occasion! Why so stressed up? (He was actually refering to me fretting about the prices I am selling my stuff that I can barely cover for the upgrade). Now there is double meaning eh. Winning a prize isnt that simple. Compare this to winning lottery. Once you win there are other complications, people going after your money etc etc.

They say money cant buy you happiness. Now I know what it meant.

Long time no blog.

Well, almost a week has past since I last blogged. The last sat was the judging of montage 2005. Arrived just in time to see my work get a 10. 4 from Bob lee, 3 from Mohd Ishak, 3 from Ruth Soh.

That day super blur, mistaken 1 mrt station for another. In the end caused my friends to miss their works being judged. =( me bad.

Recieved a call I did, later in the night. It was enghong, vp of nusps! He just told me I had won a prize, and didnt clarify what price did I won. Hmz. Recieved an email on sunday, informing me to go down on monday, but still didnt said what price I won.

Finally on monday, went down to nus to verify my photo and Id. Sam was there to hand in his photo. Top 100 for him! After handing in our cd, verifying our id, then enghong finally asked just when we where about to go.

"Do you know wad price you won?"
"nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
"Oh you won the 1st price!"

Wow. Didnt really expected that. Thank you to everyone. This prize belongs to all who have taught me. To my club as well! Now my club n SP can be on the map for this win. =)


See you all 11june @ suntec convention centre. I know you cant go, but really hope you do. It would mean alot to me.

Blogging

Nowadays there is still so much focus on blogs. People getting sued and blasted for posting the wrong things on their web.

So what has blog become? Certainly after reading one, I have decided not to whine about my sad ass life here. Reading him give me a 3rd person perspective on that stuff and it certainly looks silly and somehow, I dont feel sorry for him.

I am also not going to post racist comments here, and we all know I am racist.

And somehow its lame to try to hint a person using blog, or you know she/he wldnt read and post and hope that person is reading. I shant do it in the future as well. If I cant talk to you, I shant then.

Almost end of itp, starting of school. Be back soon.

Legs

Comments appreciated

the heart.

Counter misteriously jumped high for this day. So maybe
I should remove the photo soon.

I think there is a need to explain myself. The consolation is that at least have a decent picture taken. And at least its a happy moment I have captured. Contrary to what people will think, they will think I have a consolation because I've got a cute girl on frame. Nah. They're only girls.

Beauty is just an empty shell.

Nothing more.

I'm getting fearful of the opposite sex nowadays. Call it stupid or what But I guess its in my genes. I get cheated by girls easily. Maybe manipulated is a better word. Dunnoe why..I was starting to hate..then now I'm starting to fear..

I guess its smarter to protect myself.

I hate also when I have nothing to do. I'll starting thinking back, the past and everything, the things I have done and regretted. Kinda scary. Its like walking on the pavement back home,
and the music suddenly brings those sad moments back. And you just wish to take a turn and head out to the middle of the main road. I guess, no matter how strong we are, we are just humans.
The heart is the weakest link.

LOUSY

Ok here is the thing. 10am-10pm events coverage for SP concert Band. Thanks to sponsors sam, jinkiat and christopher.

Everything went smooth. Had to carry this friggin heavy bag around..



Of course to be fair it aint that much but the weight revolves around this setup. Thanks to tucker for taking the 80-200. The beehoon is @ the end of the event. Ok I'm mad but you'll be amazed what hungry monkeys do.

So when I got home, open the pics then go WTF. All the pictures are way out of focus because of a fucking lens. So how in the world am I going to hand up my assigment? Sorry for the vuglarities but your shooting happy whole day thinking you had decent pictures and they come out like fuck? This is the only consolation I have.



No energy and passion to process.

If I know anyone of you readers, post this on some fucking pervet website like SG girls or smt. I going to fuck u alive.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

1s and Zeros.

Male = 1
Female = 0
love = 10
hate = 01
work = 101
game = 010
the cute secretary @ work = 111
the noisy fellow course mate @ itp = 110
the pretty girl @ opp seat on mrt = 011
the smelly fella just beside of me = 001
that punk over there = 0101
that slutty teenage girl over there = 1010
my ex = 100
friends whu pretend to be friends = 010


What goes on in my brain everyday =

101010011110000101010010101
000101101000111001110011001
0101111011000001111101100101
001100101010100101100110100
0100101101101001001001011110
1101001101010101010101011001
1010011010101010101111001001
1010111000111101010011100001
10111011101111000111100100100
0010011001110010010110110111
0111101011101000101000011001
1101010110101001110101101101
1101011011 111100011110011100
1001010101011010111101100100
1011110101010010011011000101
001100010100111110000100110


There is no need to decipher the above. This is because
1-Some see it as rubbish
2-Some see my as a lunatic
3-Even if u can, what can you do?


The average person only uses 3% of the brain. Males use even less. And for me, 99% of it has the crap above for long periods of a day. Maybe this explains why I'm so dumb?



Dont ever get close to a female.
If you do, dont ever fall in love.
If you do, dont ever get married.
If you do, dont ever have kids.

Will

Here is my will.

If I die, all my belongings (except those listed below) go to my parents, they shall deal with it as they seem fit.

My healthy organs shall be donated to the hospital, except for my horny brain.

My camera and equipments shall be donated to the Camera Bank in singapore.

-------------


There's all my worth. I shall take my sad soul n brain with me.

You

Have you ever wondered, why are you born into this world. Are you here for a reason? Whats your purpose here on earth?

Yeah your parents gave birth to you. Your here to repay them. To make sure they enjoy their life after their retirement, after you have grown up, started working, and take care of them till they pass on.

Or issit your here just to pass on the family line? To study, get good grades, go to university, get a degree, work, get married, have kids, make sure they grow up just like you do, and succeed you.

Or issit your think, I'm here just to enjoy myself. Work hard, play hard. You think, why should even I get married? I'll just earn all my worth, and spend it all on myself. Since I earned it right? Why do I have to get married, have kids, and support them? Since they didnt even earn the right for me to spend all my time and worth bringing them up.

Or issit your here for the greater mankind. To be here for a contribution. To be the next Einstein to contribute to the future of mankind. To play your part in the evolution of us.

Or issit your here because of your girlfriend or boyfriend? You love her so much. You cant bare to part with her. Everything you do now is because of her, you want to take care of her, she is your responsibilty. You just want her to relax, to enjoy life, and for the both of you to spend time for the years to come.

Or issit your here because of god damn who knows why? Why even am I born into this world I hate so much. FUck everyone. Make me suffer so much for shit. I'll just do what I like now, I dun care, I just want to do what I think is right. To the hell with the goverment, to hell with everyone.

Or issit your here because of your parents bidding? They want your to study hard, get good grades, want you to be a doctor, a scientist, a musician, the next big thing.



And so the question remains. Why are you here, no...thats not the question. Why am I here...

Complaining?

I had a really lousy day, and I aint going to complain it here.

"Everyone loves Chicken Soup for the Soul. And everyone loves to feel that they can talk people out of shit ass situations."

Now that I'm feeling sucky today, and this year has been the worst year of my life, I know what to do if a friends feel the same way as I am today. Action speaks louder then words.

Ppl say they cant really solve your problems if you cant open up. True, but I'm not sure I can either. I dun even know myself. Dont try to understand me, cos I dun even understand myself, so dun try to understand me, i'll get uglier and darker the more you know me.

Relax, let go.

Empty the mind of thoughts.
Flood the ears with music.
Close your eyes.
Breathe deep.

And just let it go. Let all go. There is nothing more, nothing else.

But i....

untitled

Finally a day to relax my nerves. To catch a short breather.

Everyone has their own agenda.

Its like this huge game of risk, everyone is playing.

I remember a phrase.

The only allies are your enemies.

So many politics.

=(

Reflections

I have probably hurt more people then happy.
I have probably made more cry then smile.
I have probably make more enemies then friends.

My life was no regret then, now everyday is of regret.

I will keep my silence. Hopefully. Once and for all.

5 more weeks to go.

I'm losing my sanity.

IDIOT TRAINING PROGRAM

Just great. Cant wait for the weekend to come. I'm desperate for it, I'm screaming for it, I'm begging for it. HELP!!!!

I have a boss, whois from sp last time, quite a entrepreneur. But just aBITTT stern looking. He was surprised that we didnt learn whats the diff between a Right Hand Blade and a Left Hand Blade. Well, he assumed we have forgotten it.

I have a workplace, with practially 90% of the male workforce is smoking. I cant complain can I. And for this 6weeks of my life, I have probably breathed in more tossina (italian word for toxin) for the past 18 years. And for these 6weeks, I believe I have sucessfully shorten my somehow I know it will be short lifespan even shorter. Kudos.

I have a co-student/worker, who cant pronouce the name of soccer players, is better then me at checkers, calls his checkers by the mis-pronounced names of soccer players, think that his Mourinho (Chelsea's manager), and when he senses his move is good he calls it the DIE-DER Attack (Which actually according to him is the english pronounciation of the striker Didier Drogba). And he lives in yishun, which I dun even intend to take the same train home with him for the rest of the itp.

All is not well.

Godspeed man? I need godspeed ITP.

Da Vinci & The ITP survival kit

So it has been. I have been stagnant in my posting, and so has it been in my life. Just taking a step as it comes. And so it has been, at this stage of my life, I have been assigned for this fateful hols, to a company.

CHEVON INTERNATIONAL PTE LTD.

I hope u gather that I am not so happy with the above statement. If you cant I have nothing more to say. Read On.

Reason number 1. The linear distance from my house to the company is more then friggin 25 killometres. Do the maths yourself.

Reason number 2. It takes a combination of bus and mrt, $97 of consession, 1h45mins of travelling time.

Reason number 3. And it the same for me to get back.

Reason number 4. And worst of all, its not even a aircraft related company!

Reason number 5. All men in the company with the exception of 2 mature ladies who are well beyond my age, I should have converted to hermosexual.

Reason number 6. I have only one fellow sp, which by no coincedence is from sp, lives in yishun, and has failed terribly trying to impress me with his fly killing abilities trying to slap a fly with my topshop bag underneath. Get the irony>>>


So anyway I'm doomed this holidays. And therefore I have come up with a itp survival package. At least it survived me for one day.

1-WAter
2-Storybook that can make u think
3-YOur pair of eyes to spot that hunk or cute girl at the corner of your eyes. 1 a day makes your itp go away.


THE DA VINCI CODE - DAN BROWN

GUys n Gals, this is a must read book. IF you havnt read it is a book worth purchasing for, and if have read it and say I'm slow then screw you.

Anywayz thanks to the front page gal on straits times a while back for spawning the interest in me to read, and to my sis who has the book. God I'm slow.

I've read this book, and at an alarming pace that I left a dozen or more page for the rest of itp. Damn. Only started this morning on the train! ( Its 489 pages and if you havnt figure it out there was nothing to do today at the company)

After reading the book, though the story is friction, it has strengthed my views and thoughts on religion as a whole, as well as the all important christinanity. Pardon if I got it wrong. From here on, I'll pick short paragraphs from the book and reflect and discuss on them. Hmz, suddenly I feel I'm older by 2.

Langdon chuckled, not about to take the bait. From what he'd heard about Harvard parties, these kids where having more then enough sex. "Gentlemen," he said, knowing he was on tender ground, "might I offer a suggestion for all of you. Without being so bold to condone premarital sex, and without being so naive as to think you're all chaste anges, I will give you this bit of advice on your sex lives."

All the men in the audience learned forward, listening intently.

"Next time you find yourself with a women, look into her heart and see if you cannot approach sex as a mystical, spiritual act. Challenge youself to find the spark of divinity that man can only achieve through union with the scared feminine."

The women smiled knowingly, nodding.
The men exchanged dubious giggles and off-color jokes.
Langdon sighed. College men were still boys.

Ok my job is done for tonight, and I'm off to repeat the cycle that has been set in motion, undeniable for the next 6wks.

Last word, after reading that, I guess I'm still a young man indeed.

Time Flies Slowly

Time passes so slowly yet so fast.

Seems like a day for the pass hour, but its been afew days since I'm here.

Had my 2nd last paper today, which the easiest to date, and the one I'll look forward to in my report card. Been home since 12.30, played a match or 2, its 1502 now. Seemed forever. Cant bring myself to study cos my heart n mind are somewhere else right now.

Around last week, the day of my 2nd paper, which is maths, I was on the train to school, found a quiet seat in the corner, and started to study. Around sembawang, a couple (I mean married with a cute lil baby girl) went boarded, and the mom sat beside me, with her angel infront of her in the pam (correct?). The dad was standing just beside. So they were having fun, the dad held the kid and played peek a boo with mom, hiding just behind the glass.

How sweet. Then from the corner of my eye a lady (just to be polite, she seem like 50), came over. Hmz, must be some auntie or something eh I thought. I noticed the baby girl, now in her mom's arm, was shying away from that lady and was looking at me.

Well maybe she was a friend of the couple or something. Of course, she came over and wanted to a look at their baby, and the baby was like avoiding eye contact with her or something. When her mom placed her in that auntie's direction she would turn immediately and face me. All these time the parents where talking to the lady, and it seem like a robotic reaction of the mom to turn her child. And oh boy, the baby had enough I tell you, and started crying n wailing.

For good lord no one told you all a baby's cry is even louder then the pressure drill? Awww, the baby's crying, and dad took her in his arms, trying to calm her, whois obviously scared of our dear auntie. And the auntie was like "Aww, she's crying, hahaha, must be shy or something, haha, naughty girl ah! (a small tap on the baby's feet)".

WTF LAR. CANNOT SEE B A B Y SCARED OF YOU AH. STILL GO JI SIAO HER. THEN REPEAT YOUR ACTIONS ABOUT EVERY 2MINS FOR A FEW TIMES. G R E A T . THE BABY CONTINUES TO CRY.

And when she went FINALLY went off the train at woodlands, I thought it was all over.

FOR ****** SAKE THE BABY STILL CRYING ALL THE WAY TO CHUA CHU KANG. From midway of sembwang to cck. Do you know how far is that? OH you do? Why not accompany a baby's wailing to go with that.

The poor parents where trying to calm the baby down, trying every method, giving the sucker, water, carried by dad... I really pity the baby and parents. I really want to say, BE CONSIDERATE LAR LADY, or auntie, wadeva you are. In the baby's eye, your a monster. In mine, your a monstrosity.


Been watching lots of tv of late, esp reality series. Here are somethings I've learnt.

The Apperentice - "What I learnt from debating, is not to talk but to listen carefully"
"Unless you know what you are doing, or else dont take up the lead position"
"Dont over promise"
"As a leader, know when to shut your team member up"
"Never hit back at your leader. You'll get fired"
"Always stand up for yourself, defend yourself at all cost"

The amazing race - "NEver give up. Even if your stripped of all your belongings"
"Teamwork is very important. Once a team disagrees, its gone"
"Always be nice, dont try to be a jerk"

The survivour - "Try to form alliances"
"Even if you form one, doesnt mean you wont get backstabbed"
"Although backstabbing works, it aint nice"

The contender - "Honor above all"
"No pain no gain. There aint free meals on earth"
"Pick on someone your own size dude"

An eye for a guy 2 ( New season, soon to air on ch5) - "try not to watch this crap"


AC vs Inter, Chelsea vs Bayern, "Whats left of this wk's allowance which is $15" vs "$65 winnings".


Allejuah dude.

since you been gone

Just finished my first paper. Can pass, thats all I am for.

Nothing sexually charged events happened for a long time, so there's nothing to write about.

If you havnt heard from a person from a long time, would you just call him/her one day and ask hows him/her? I guess that person must have a certain place in your heart. There are many shades of grey, there are many shades of friendship.

If I dissappeared, who will bother?

Gone swimming. To swim away the shades of darkness in my life.

untitled

If you have any comments or stuff please drop on below each article. I dun have a tag board so please drop on under comments.

Seems like exams are near and I'm not studying.

slient companion

We seldom talk, but I'm always there to keep you company, when you need me.

Pua & the french caps

Funny today was.

Was in aerolab for fyp discussion. Sure bugged cck (cheong choon kee <= my ptn for 2 yrs) like a fly to a piece of shit. Not that his a piece of shit, just describing, you know. I wonder

1.Does he have a bladder problem
2.He drinks lots of water
3.His just scared of seeing us.

Cos he goes to toilet very very often. Like hey..did he just went to tiolet just now? Anyway we meet one of engsiang's friend zack (??) and Pua (Aero lecturer). Damn it why didnt I had him as our lecturer. His just perfect. I learnt from him (actually from engsiang, who learnt from him) the meaning of FUCK.

Frequent
Use of
Common
Knowledge.

or

Fully
Uilitize
Common
Knowledge

So u must FUCK around, if you get what I mean. Continuing on, saw him today and zack was commenting on alot of flies around...

Z : Eh cher, got alot of flies around hor
P : Ya, you know why? Because got alot of white ants around the aerolab
Ruixiang : Those can fly one right cher!
Z : Ants can also fly one ah! (he dont fuck -> refer to above) Wah they also learn flying ah~
P : Well of course! Everyone learns flying wad, only pass or fail

*Burst of laughters*

Adding on..
P : And also some pass, but they also pass away..

*HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER*

..............................................................

Earlier on we saw him about 2 times, walking in and out of the lab to see cck. My team leader kelvin was wearing a cap..then the first time he was joking about his cap. When he walked out we joked abit. As he walked pass kelvin he pointed to his cap and said "Paris". I didnt get it at first. Later when he was gone my other teammates joked on kel and his cap. Then I got it as they where refering to his cap as a french cap. Haha~

Pua walked pass a second time and exclaimed (while pointing to kelvin)
P : HE'S PROTECTED.

*joined laughters~*

..............................................................

Just before he left, he said

P : Haha..you all not in my class.
ALL : Haha...ya hor y not ah cher~
P : Must lock the doors liaoz...haha

BTW he same class as PM LEE. o.O~

Interesting Quotes

"And them being young means they have less experience. And they’d have been dating younger girls who’d have had less experience as well. So instead of getting the “Oh you’re one of the best blows I’ve had.” they give me an extremely ego-boosting “You’re the best that I’ve had.” The little things in life that can make everyone feel like God."

"They are pretty obvious with their moves. When they call to chat up with you, when they send you cute messages their girlfriends send them to wish them goodnight recycled most conveniently in their straying pursuit. No Mind-Fuckritis. No playing hard to get. Because they know well enough it’s for them to show you that they’re worthy."

-how true. I wonder how much people (guys n gals alike) recycle sms.

She has quite an interesting blog, and her friendster (which is where I found her) got deleted.

"We have a zero tolerance policy for users that upload images/inappropriate sexual content like yours. We are in the process of terminating other such profiles. Your account has been permanently terminated. THIS IS THE LAST EMAIL WE WILL SEND YOU IN REGARD TO THIS ISSUE."

What she said "If only persons of 18 years and above are allowed to sign up to be a member of Friendster, isn't it illogical not to be able to have the least of sexual content in my profile? And my pictures aren't sexual at all. Excuse me. They did not contain nudity and I was covered more that those bikini-clad pictures of girls from nowhere."

Haha how true. Looks like you cant find sex on friendster soon.

PHD

Life is random, life is chaotic. At least my life is. Its in a mess.

Just got attached to a air cooling company in tuas for my itp during the hols. What the hell man. Aero student here hello. Somehow all the gd students are going to all the funny non aero companies. Not that i'm a gd student but alot of my frends are.

How I wish I can do the things I like. Like dropping out of school to be a photographer. Be a commando. When u quit poly u get a PHD = poly halfway dropout. I'll try to pass my exams this sem. otherwise I'm quiting school. There's nothing for me to hold on in poly.

**********deleted**********

Came back to edit this post. Just feeling so down.

Pro-e

Didnt had time to blog yesterday n last sunday. Really interesting saturday was. Ns frends meet up and we went to billybombers. Cute waitress we saw.

"Anyone ordered sirloin steak?"
"Yup overthere" (Pointing to my frend beside me)
"Erm think dun think anyone ordered..We ordered tenderloin steak" (Exclaimed)
"Ops *haha* this tenderloin steak" (Smiling away...)

Omg kawaii neh! But didnt get to ask her number due to my indecisiveness. Am going back this sat with weichao. Still have to treat him nia if not is 1 man show.

Am now in T1455 practicing for pro-e test tml. Just failed the previous test, so i have to pass this one.

Working to the tune of wu yue tian, listening to my classmates crappy quotes ( suddenly he blurted out " The ring must be destroyed by nightfall." -_-), and lovely dovey couples hugging @ the corner. Prime environment to do practise my exam.

Girls n Friends.

My thoughts seem to be wondering around these days. Cant determine when it all started, but maybe all I could gather is it happened after something traumatic happened. Anywayz was thinking about this two things of late.

How would you describe a female? It just occured to me blurting out the infamous words "chiobu!" isnt that nice. From my point of view it completely degrades oneself to that of a street tug, and disrespects the opposite sex. So here on and, I've decided to find new vocabs. So the question is, how would you describe a pretty lady of the street (or even a friend)?

Confident - very sexy adj.
Sensual - abit doubtful over this. My english is poor, so cant decipher the explaination on dictionary.com.
Sexy - Common, but do you dare to say it?
Cute - common, again.
Beautiful - hmz
Out going - Idea given from a friend
Extrovert - "
Bubbly - new word!

Thats all for today. I'll revert to this topic some other day.


Next on my mind. Friends. I thought for this for a long time. Friends, best friends, close friends. What kind of friends do you have? You friends most probably reflect who you are. For me, as determined on friendster, I have 106 friends. In Msn, I have 109 friends. But in real life, I have
Close friends = none, Best friends = none. This probably reflect on how a person I am.

For those who have close or good friends, your lucky. When issit you can ask them out just to have some clean fun, have a heart to heart chat, trust them with your secrets, confide to them when you have a problem? They will probably stand by you when you need them most. Do I have such friends? Sad to say I have none close friends who know anything bout me, say the least. Rarely I have friends who msg me how are you, lets hang out to catch up on each other. I cant blame them though, cos the problem lies with me I guess. Even when you msg them they dun even bother to get back to you.

Probably this is so thats why I seek to get attacted. This is wrong, yes I know. Take a look at the horoscopes, they always say Leo's are loyal friends, who value friendship. Well that is probably true, but do they put it cos Leo's need more friends? I guess I'm the only Leo that I know that is so problematic.

Lastly, sex sells. As much as I want to put the curious side of me in this blog, I'm scared it will scare away much of the readers that are my friends. So I guess sex sells to those who dont really know you or are into as you are.

Haix.

Home

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel aloneOh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go homeLet me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


Michael Buble.

New blog?

I'm slacking at home again.

Was rather an uneventful day. Starting gaming when I woke, wanted to complete it and proceed to school. But it didnt went smooth, so I went to friendster to take a look. Curiousity took over me, and I decided to make a search on friendster, on SEX. There came a few dozen of accounts, 108 to be exactly. So I went through them, clicking on those I deem will be interesting. 1, 2, 3, until I came upon an account which had my curiousity.

When surfing friendster, I find lots of lady's like to have sex mentioned, but will rather do it with a fellow gender? This amazes me man. They are single, around 20+, and are all good looking. But anywayz so there is this lady, which is 20, calls herself goddess. As any other guy would, they would proceed to view the pictures. Woho. I think most people would be expecting pretty faces or even revealing pics, but boy there where none, but teasing pictures, showing just parts and pieces. Oh my, this is interesting indeed.

There laid in About me was her blog. Hmz, simple layout though. What matters is the content, and wow can I say it kinda shocked me. Detailed in it are her sex life, with ex, an aussie guy, her best friends bro?!, and of course lesbians. I read all the post, which I was looking for sexual content at first. But after that I was thinking hard and seriously.

I'm only 18 now, and damn curious bout sex. There is this world outside that completely defy the chinese culture. Out there are horny, hungry for sex ladies, who make making love, or should I say sex, look like everyday's coffee and tea. Of course I wish I was that eligible and can just walk up to any girl.

Boy, am I still childish and naive. I'm still holding on to my first relationship, thinking bout her everyday. But issit the yearning for sex or issit for her company, for her warmth and care. Right now its the latter that I would want so badly. But I guess its the complacency that I have back then. I just miss her thats all.

This is an extract from her blog, nope not my ex but the goddess.

"Not that I'm lonely. Being attached and single have their very own pros. And people shouldn't juxtapose them in comparison. It isn't fair. It's like judging two guys on their looks when one's Black and the other's Yellow. It doesn't make sense because the only constant is You, which in my case, isn't consistent at all.

Both sides of the coin provide you with different things. Singlehood means you get the freedom to fuck. Being attached means you get to fuck your freedom, I'm sorry I meant, fuck with commitment. Both are extremely fulfilling, trust me. And maintaining both lifestyles is equally tedious.

When I'm attached, I can afford to paint my nails once a week. When I'm single, I have to polish them before every date. Not that it's imperative for the guy but it's just this ritual I perform to make myself feel prepped. I can eat chocolates because I don't need to fear breakouts. I can go for buffets with my date because he isn't going to gawk at the plates of Sashimi I can devour. Things like that. A greater sense of acceptance and such.

Being single can be rewarding in a sense that I don't have to tie my emotions to another person's moods with a string called love. I don't have to worry about another person and how he's feeling and whether he's alright when he goes missing for a while."

How true. This is defintely one blog I'll take note off. Meanwhile, I'm back.