"blah blah black sheep any any ah bing ge?"

"worth every step of the way"

"stop, listen. Appreciate"

"intoxication"

"friday night showtime"

"paperwork"

"those of jet black"

" everytime is a fresh start "

" Wonderlust No. 1 "

Short update

Back with a new profile : the blue turtle!

Since I was gone, I have did the following things:

Basic military training centre : Ninja company
Officer Cadet School : Golf wing
Armour Training Insititue : Officer Training Wing

. Which then I (OOC) Out Of Course due to problematic knee injuries.

And now is currently serving my remaining ns liabilty peacefully as a HQ personnel.

Back!

It has been long since I was here!

Back with new post and pictures!

Spread the word!

Life moves on

I wonder if anyone still visits here, but anyway blogging here is just another ritual, or a place where nobody ever bothers with lots of infomation overload everywhere, but just blogging here for the sake of doing it.

Well, here I am.

It has been god knows how many months, I'm still in NS, serving as a NSF (havnt sign on yet), enjoying life in OCS (hmm...enjoying. cant believe I said that). Gone where the days of AGR, and strength training and fieldcamps. COmes the day of more 10-20km ET runs ( endurance training ), IPPT specific training, more fieldcamps and even more excerises!

Life being an officer cadet aint that easy, but 64 batches have done it, why cant I?

(Mentally noting down to kiwi boots, iron uniform, fold smart four, pack bag for book in, modify knee and elbow guard)

I havnt really seen my friends in ages. How are you all doing? Is everyone doing fine in their life? Happy? I really want to meet up with a few of you, but god knows if anyone wants to do that, or rather just bump me on the street and do a 5 sec hi-bye-takecare-seeyasoon.

Anyways, I dont really look forward to booking out on weekends. Anyone suffer this before? Hmm...I actually can dread coming out. Gosh the army must has poisioned me!

I wont type much here, for Mike Serria Delta might catch me.

ANyone keen on meeting me to catch up, collect old debts, pay back time, good old arcade outing, lan, dim sum, feel free to contact me! ITs the same no., 94510679. Just dont identify yourself as some insurance agent.

1mnth 2weeks

It has been long.

So long.

How have you guys been. I'm wondering if anyone still comes to this place.

Junkyard. Where I trash all my unhappiness and f-ed emotions.



So many questions in my life to be answered.
What is leadership
What makes a good leader
Popularity vs Being a leader.


One thing to be glad for in my life, I have someone special.

Ivy.

I know I dont blog much about you, thats just because I dont display my affections for you in the public.


I love you, more then ever, ever will be.

life after tml

I am going in.


































Take care my dear. I will think of you everyday and night.

2 weeks! man It seems like eternity now.

i do.

No promises.

But I am giving it all I have.

Trust me too.

Mom, I dont want too go.

Dear me,

I thought my life sucked. I thought NS will change everything.

I was right. I havnt had a life before I go in.

I have one now. Just 1 week before I go.

WHY!!! I really want to spend more time here. With you.


~ Next thurs. Will all be fine by then?

16 days more.

My dear friend.

In the end, I came here, to chat with you. It has been a long time since I saw you. I come before you know because I have much to say, much to complain about, and much to share.

I feel really down.
I feel really tired.
I feel really alone.

First of all, I have problems with my club. It was mine to begin with, cos it was me/us who chose the current committee. I dont know where it went wrong, how it came to this state, but its disasterous. There isnt any teamwork, there isnt anyone leading, it isnt going anywhere.

I am going back almost everyday, spending more time each day to settle and help the club. Someone once told me I sold my soul to the club. I didnt. I lost it. And now everyday is like fighting a losing battle. I revisit the strategy on the paper everyday with my fellow alumnis. Everyday we rant and complain. Its like a mini series. Dramatic, twist and turns everywhere.

Its the biggest challenge in my life right now. But I'm drained. Really.

And because of the club, WE are forced to outsource. And this has led to many small skrimishes. Many of which where built on false trust and friendship. Yet I wish some turn out to be true and fruitful.

I am bad with people. I make people angry. I make people sad. I make people unhappy for all kinds of reasons. And today, I have made 2 more. I am truly sad and sorry. Nothing can express how I am feeling right now.

This sudden influx of PR have taken its toll on me. I wan a long vacation. Away from all these. I dont even know why am I here.

I feel lonely.

I would like someone to talk to, all of these. But sadly, I can turn to none. Is this desperation? I'm looking for a partner. Just a friend. Now I know its hard to find a friend you can trust.

For once, the al mightly chongyew, always so confident of himself, who alway thinks he comes before all, stands above all, is taking a backward stance. I am standing among everyone else.

I feel as thou my wings are clipped.
Trapped between the barb wires.
Stripped bare by the howling winds.

Now I feel the full magnitude of stuff, stuff from the humane world.

And too, I understand the phrase "dont make the girl fall for you if you aint going catch her".

The worst thing to do is to bring one's spirit up 100 times and turn on gravity.

Its like a double whammy. A chain car accident. A surgery and have infection set in. To kiss and slap the person again.

Tell me, have I sinned so much in my 19yrs here. This is a test/battle/race that I cannot complete alone.

I looked out the grailes.
There isnt any stars.
Even the moon was hiding.
Where are you my old friends.
Have you abandoned me for good.
To be thrown into an abyss.
Alone.


Goodnight, my evil twin.

Hello

Meisy!

=D

c u tml in club hahahahaha

Election!

Head to

http://www.flickr.com/photos/outofcolor

To see my shots!

Name calling, the worst of the worst.

I think most people know I am a badie. And I have numerous other name called before.

Fucker ( actually not quite heard that..)
Bastard
Moron
Shit
Evil
and so on lah I really cant remember.

"You know I really hate you..You really asshole you know!"

Asshole. Now tts a long one I didnt heard for a long time.



So guys...I am really satan's reincarnation.

Seasons.

I'm listening to ayumi's Seasons, which is an old fav of mine. And makes me to wonder am I one? haha..

Anyway was reading the new paper a few days back, didnt had the energy to blog. I read an article on married women going on sexual escapades secretly, and reading that really like wtf, although I mean it has been happening around and its no big deal. If any of my female friends reading this thinks its no big deal pls let me knw =D.

Anyway just makes you question the morality of the society as it progresses. And men cheating on their wives is already sad enough, now the opp is taking place!!! Maybe the kids shld start some also right. This are the actually the young and hip ladies thinking that sleeping around is and ok thing to do man! (i mean when your married, I'm totally fine with sleeping around as long as both party enjoy it and no strings attached)

I cant find the article, but shit has it that she said that she loves her husband, she loves her family (not sure whether she have kids yet,) but she sure hell doesnt want to be tied down and wants to have hot steamy sex around. At the end of the day, she still will return to her husband yah.

EEKs. So what is love? Love = marriage? I think it not that simple all along. Marriage is something like a tool for the male to passdown the family line, and the female to make sure that she can be cared for and doesnt worry about fighting for survival. I sure dont mind sleeping around, as long as my partner can support me for the rest of my life and he doesnt know about it. Erks.

Sure is hell that my mind is totally swayed towards singularity. A single positron in the masses of neutrons and electrons. I think I was too native in my previous post that getting a pet might solve some things. Hmm. Now to comtemplate the future from here.

1. I dont mind getting married, if so then divorce is 100% possible and I would be ready for it.
2. I dont mind having an active sex life, with multiple partners, but sure am I not purposely sleeping around for.
3. And hell no married ladies pls. I shld slap them if anyone apporaches me, but then again maybe I cant resist if she's too hot ( ahaha MEN.)
4. What did I hear that I must be joking that I could be sleeping around with women! Haha I also dont know, and I dont have any foreign dna in me, no sharp features and hell not fit and smart and the list goes on. But you never know you know...

I doesnt really know who reads my blogs nowadays. I think female readership is like 0.0000%%. So I dont really give much damn into blogging now. Perhaps the fever has passed, moved on to podcast or wad, but it isnt the fever that I was interested in. Its the staying in contact sort of things. I would have guessed the message I would like to bring across isnt getting read by the relevant parties, so heck lah I wulddnt giv a damn.

Signing off.

-

I'm watching jewel in the palace these few days, incase u didnt know, its called da chang jin in chinese.

For the first time, i really like watching a tv-series. It makes me reflect on my life, and think more about myself and the world around me.

Ah i got soft spot for korean shows and dramas! Brotherhood and jewel in the palace is truly worth watching. At least they dont make you cry over some lame plot.

Somehow, i would just like to be a single, ordinary people, and help everyone else. I would want to come between anyone or anything. I will elaborate more of that in the next post.

Good night my friends.

-

Are we not destined for great things? Wrong. Am I not destined for great things?

Fate is your own hands. Fight! Fight chongyew. Why. Why give up. Why do you strongly regard what people thinks, what people say.

You must fight. You must stand up. Cos no one is going to help you. Not your parents, your sister, your friend, your mentor.

-

Are we not destined for great things? Wrong. Am I not destined for great things?

Fate is your own hands. Fight! Fight chongyew. Why. Why give up. Why do you strongly regard what people thinks, what people say.

You must fight. You must stand up. Cos no one is going to help you. Not your parents, your sister, your friend, your mentor.

08 06 06

Enlistment. 2 mnths 6 days more.

z.

Dear blog, my imaginary friend

FUCK IT I HAVE NOT BEEN SO FUCKED UP FOR LONG.

Does it pay to be a nice guy? I dunnoe.

When it comes to money, they say " talk money, hurt relationship".

I have a friend whois shooting for the school. and I am suppose to shoot as well. But because there is the exhibition to settle, I opted to oversee the exhibition while he is shooting. It is paid btw. Tomorrow there is another shoot, if both photogs go both will get paid, but who will oversee the exhibition? I am going to oversee the exhbition tomorrow. The job is $20 an hour, today's is 6 hours. Tomorrow is roughly the same. For today actually I had an assignment, which was to cover the award ceremony for the SP robotics team in NYP. It was suppose to be a whole day event, which I would have roughly earn the same amount, but for me I dun think I will bluff that I was there the whole day. I will probably say I did 2 hrs. I WAS overseeing the exhibition preparation.

We have another job, which is a workshop for a secondary school. Its $200 for 5 lessons of 2hr 1 lesson per week. I said I am going to take everything, and it isnt a joke. Maybe to him it sounded like a joke?

Everyone wants money. We are both in a poor state right now, but I feel unjustified. Its true, someone will scold me stupid, why should I oversee the exhibition preparation? I could have shoot as well, earned the same amount. But for me, I had always took upleadership positions natually. Ok fuck it. No one understands?

I dont really mind that he has earned more money from the school then I have. After all they had contacting him first. Ok fine. But, for the workshop, we had both intended to try to "friend" an instructor as much as possible. So he can be our mentor. But during the workshop, he took the first strike, as well as another friend of mine from another workshop we attended. FOR ME, I find, ah fuck it, since they want it so badly, I back out. What? Stupid again? FINE, say I am stupid, I am wadeva, but for me, I have always treated my friends sincerly, I would always have given my friends the opptunity first.

The result? The instructor called him yesterday to ask whether he was free on friday to help him as personal assistant on his shoot. In case you didnt know, that was very important to young photographers to be working with their pro photographer. I am happy and sad when I heard that. What sucks the most is that he asked whether I can take the sch job on friday! I thought we where suppose to shoot it together (before it was decided that I will oversee on fri).

You earned the cash, you have gotten your dream mentor, what is next?

Isnt it time for me to be more selfish, for myself. I have lost so much. But then again, most of YOU will probably said I didnt grab the chance when I can. Forget it. I dun think writing on my blog here will explain anything. Everyone see me as an idiot, loud and big mouth son-of-a-bitch friend, always fucking here fucking there, hating the world, blah blah blah.

Anyone of you actually know I care the most for my friends? I treasure friendship almost more then everything else, I will help my friend even if I have to pay it with my life. ANYONE KNOW? ANYONE SAID THANKS? ANYONE CARE?

No. All I get is simple T H A N K Y O U, and T H A N K S A H.

What? Thankyou is not enough??? YEs. I have every right to be selfish. I have every right to believe that what I helped other people has to make me feel wanted, yes wanted, and appreciated. Sometimes a simple thankyou is ok, but at other times, show more appreciation. Yes I helped you in this and that, after that when you have accomplished what you want, you forgot about me. Yes, you, you the dear friends of mine. Because at the end of the day, I am not your best friend, I am not your dear friend, I am not your friend. I am your classmate, your acquintance. Your friend's friend, someone you meet on the street. Crappy, Idiotic, Stupid, Rude, Impolite, Careless, etc etc eTc ETC ETC ETC ETC

You know my dear friend who are reading this, I feel like ending my life for the umpteenth time. I have so FUCKING ENOUGH of helping people out. I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH YOU READ ME? READ ME??????!!!!!!!

It doesnt matter if you dun understand me, dun care, dunnoe what to do. Do yourself a favour, treasure the people beside you. For a matter of fact, you have lost one here, to learn to treat your other friends, family, girlfriend boyfriend better. Yes...YOU my dear friends.

It really doesnt matter if I oversee the exhibition preparation tomorrow, or spilting the money for the workshop, getting all the money, or none. Because at the end of the day,

I am just another person in my dear friend's life.

friends

Long time no update.

I just finished shooting home by objectifs. Not the best of works produced. I will upload soon. The main exhibition is held at objectifs this sat, 1730 onwards. Do support me, but I wonder how many people will actually see this and come. Directions can be found at www.objectifs.com.sg

bought ibook 12".

Super shot on cash.

Super busy, with 2 workshops to conduct, Sch's shoot for 12+ clubs for their leaflet, getting the exhibition up, shooting for the reunion show, etc, and training for NS!

Anyway, I saw my friends posting up pictures of them attending their friend's grad, commissioning parade, ceremonies, birthdays.

I dun happen to be invited to such places, and I dont think anyone will come to mine anyway.

Its like when you know a friend is at some ceremony and you gather your friends to suprise him. Doesnt happen for me.

But should I be whinning here?

I just want.

Everyone to be happy.

even if I am not.

What it takes to be loved and wanted

I went home after work today, it was 2315. While passing the adjacent block to where I lived, I saw a cat. She ( I assumed ) was tagged with a yellow collar. Well, she was the only one cat who didnt run away when I tried to approach her.

I like animals, and she was purring and sitting near the drain when I walked pass. I hesitated, and headed back. She walked slowly towards me, of course purring softly in the progress. Awww, so sweet. I wanted to stroke her, but had a few items on my hands. I sat on a nearby bench and started putting items into my bag. Without hesitation, she jumped right next to me on the bench!! Wahaha. I keep my items in the bag and started scratching her ( sounds weird, but I cant really seem to find the correct word. Groping? Fondling? Eww ). The next moment, she jumped onto the bag infront of me and sat there, laid against my chest. It was such a peaceful moment. And instantly she helped me wash away my foul mood for the day from work. I hated work. I hated the people I saw, I... arg. Hate is a wonderful word.

She made me aware of one point. She didnt care who I was, She didnt care how I look, she didnt care whether I was fat, short, ugly, bad tempered, foul mouth-ed, arrogant, proud, uncivilised, jerk, bastard, poor. To her what I were and who was I really didnt matter. As long as I can give her some scratches on her back, gave her some warmth, she will be happy to be with me.

That is something people cant give. Everything else mattered to everyone else.

I hate this world. I rather a pet for life then wife and kids.

Shooting home

I, am, very glad I got into shooting home. Incase you didnt know what is shooting home, visit http://www.objectifs.com.sg/sh.htm .

I am sad because of a good friend of mine didnt got in. I am scared because of the seriousness of it (working with professionals! if your work sucks, it will reflect badly on yourself, and you will have a bad name carried around the professional world). And now, I am dead tired, considering I have to work for 4 days to earn $400 to pay for the course.

Its an anti-climax, the moment I received a call from my friend saying that the confirmation letter has arrived, to now where I have to work. Instead of thinking of coming up projects for the 4 days workshop.

Now that I have graduated, I am kinda lost. Where should I go next? A first in my life, and its worth bloggin it down. Really lost. Although I am going to serve national service, its the uncertainty of the future that scares me.

Its so sad. I open-ed msn messenger, and found no one I can talk to. 120+ contacts. No one.

What am I becoming, where am I heading, and how can I materialize my dream? Uncertainties.

lastest pic from my fisheye!

hand, dog, maid.

On the way to dinner after teaching my dear friend swimming.

"You broke my heart but never shattered it completely. And that is the cruelest thing to do to somebody. It broke it into one thousand parts. So that piece by piece it flaked off. Like bad paint off a humid Hong Kong wall. Carrying off fragments of the hopeful, optimistic me that you once knew and cared about."


It is in every human to yearn to be loved and taken care of, to have a place in society.

As much as I say I want to be single, even more I have the burning desire to find a great partner.

But for the time being, I'll let my dream of being a photojournalist occupy me, and let myself be busy-ed by meeting new people.

An expensive critique session.

I didnt know. Perhaps ppl didnt take me seriously. Perhaps ppl view me as immature.

Anyway the photojournalism course at Objectifs seemed like an expensive critique session. $360 to be critiqued by 2 photojournalist. And somehow I got the idea of not been treated seriously. I did learn something nonetheless, and that is to keep shooting.

Before that workshop I was feeling on top of the world. Now I feel inferior to everyone. z. This is bad.

Anyway I shall keep on shooting, recently got a lomo Fisheye camera. Dont be suprised if I shoved it in your face!

About valentine's day, I decided not to whine so much. Just let it be.

thevdayproject.com 2006

Probably you have heard about it. Perhaps you havnt heard about it.

It was truly a last minute thing, and I had planned it with my good sch classmate weichao.

This was the plan, to setup a small location on orchard road on valentines day, to shoot passing by couples and sit down or stand still on some decorations I have provided.

The intent was sort of like making time stand still for both of them, and in the busy orchard road, the crowd behind them is blurred by the fast movement, and at that moment, only the couple is fixed, and in that spilt second, time will stand still for them.

Anyway I forgotten much of wad I want to write. My sister was hogging the com.

It was great to have lots of friends to come and support and help out. I cldnt have made it without their help.

Anyway a post mortem of my project.

I spent over $200++
Some of the photos where blur.
I owe ivy and her cousins a treat
I owe them their pay!
I owe weichao some cash too
I owe webhosting money

I had a pay of $270 and allowance of $100 of 2 wks. I'm left with $20+. For 2 wks.
And btw I think I dont have enough money to print out 20 8R photos for my portfoilo submission.

Call this lousy planning.

And I wanted to capture the spirit of valentine's day, like why the day is special to you, how did you celebrated it.

I actually wanted my photos to be of inspiration to other couples who arnt doing too well in their romance. And hopefully they can rekindle their love for each other.

To me, it was a 3/10 for the event. And at the end of the day, people came in groups/pairs and left in groups and pairs. I, well, went alone home to think what went wrong.

Happy valentine's day.

www.thevdayproject.com

Make or Break : Season end

ABout 50 views since last post. This shows how much people care for me yah. Ohhh~

Anyway in the ENGLISH premier LEAGUE, or known as EPL or otherwise known as england's top division soccer league or otherwise the show on TV ah peks and ah bengs crowd to watch in kopitiams or the soccer fanatics in pubs or the despo as Singapore Pools betting stations staring into the computer screen for aeons.

The thing I want to say is, in any season of soccer, there is the make or break period of time for any soccer team. In this short period of time, they play more matches then they usually do, and the fixtures are back to back, playing against other teams the day after.

It is now for me.

Tomorrow I am going to skip school to be an photographic assistant to a photographer for a corperate shoot. Those CEOs need their photos yah. It starts from 0800 ends at 1700.

At 2200 I'm going to catch Thaipusam preparations. Its an Indian festival, where the faithful pierce their bodies and in act of faith and carry the heavy props over a distance of 3clicks. Event starts from 0000 all the way to 2200 on Sat. WHOLE DAY OF SHOOTING!

Next week, I have 1 test, 2 projects due, 2 presentation, 1 interview,

NExt week end, finally will the course I have enrolled myself. Photojournalism workshop by Objectifs!!!!

And horray. 21st of march is my first exam paper. 4-5 (cant remember) paper due. Which means next wk is for studying.

Photographic competitions deadline.
Anti-Drug Photographic Competition - 17th Feb
“Tampines – My Home” - 19th Feb
Portfoilo Submission for SHOOTING HOME, Objectifs - 20th Feb
Singapore Youth Commonwealth Photo Competition - 5th March
Singapore Young Photographer Award (SYPA) - 15 June


With respect to poorer english, this is a maker or breaker, right here right now.
Its my turn to have some faith.

Post 89. Chinese New year!

After watching Jet Li's fearless yesterday. I was set thinking on my way home.

In the movie, Jet Li wanted to be TianJin's No. 1 in martial arts. (Warning lor. Spoiler LOr. Don't blame me if you haven't watched the show. YOUR WOLS!) He wanted to regain his family's honor, and his make his Huo Jia Quan famous. In his conquest of No.1, he killed Master Chin, his last opponent before he is No.1. Master Chin's stepson wanted revenge, and killed Huo Yuan Jia's (Jet li) mother and daughter. YuanJia wanted to fight Master Chin also to seek revenge over his beating up of one of his students. But, the student was punished because he insulted ( In chinese terms means not verbally, but you know something like molesting or wadeva lah) Master Chin's wife. YuanJia fought for the wrong reason, and his family is killed in the process.

He wandered around, living in the painful memory of the death of his mother and daugther. (Not before killing the stepson of course). And blah blah blah, cut the story short, he learnt that fighting isnt for being No.1. Wushu should be to strengthed one's mind, body and soul (?). A fight should be a ground to learn to defeat one's greatest enemy, which is oneself. And I dont quite remeber much, but I think the show was very meaningful.

And for this new year, I reckon I need a new beginning to begain with. I have always wanted to take part in photographic competitions, to be the No.1 young photographer out there.

I guess I was wrong. A competition is a ground to gather all the talented photographers to showcase his works. Its not about competiting, but to see the other wonderful photos out there. Even if I win every competition there is, its meaningless. To improve my photography, I shall setup a website, my personal website, and a short column where people can send in their photos and I can help them improve their picture! (To the best I can). I have this skill, and I should help everyone else improve theirs. Its all about sharing.

One's biggest enemy is oneself, and to improve my pics as well I shall review them with thought. Not just happy snapping anymore, and lamenting why people won. The path to self discovery!

Too much vengence. Too much hate. I guess my aim for this new year, is to make more friends, more happy faces, and less enemies! And less vulgarities to go with the main dish. Always fuck here fuck there also not good right. But seriously I wonder how long can I not mention fuck, considering I am going into the army soon. But nevermind, I shall make the most of it while it last!



Happy new year to all my friends, close or far. I shall be a good boy (men?) this year! Yeah!

Blur as that hogdog

Just a short update, with a forecast of this year's event for me!

I've been trying out, 5times a week, to get myself ready for the dreaded napfa test. My chest muscles are aching and they arnt airport anymore!!! ::upzz::

I'm graduating soon, in 1mnths time.. And for the first time in my life, I know what direction I am heading and what to do. A full time photographer!!!! Perhaps I'm heading to TP to study visual com, major in photography.. Hmm.

now for the yearly forecast.

It is expected to be a lonely season ahead. Its going to be all stormy on valentine's day, children's day, youth's day.

Expect heavy showers on later months like december and august. Thats when the festive season starts..again, and the auspicious 03-08-2006. I'm going to spend it in camp, and perhaps its going to be 0% decline in presents as well! ( F.Y.I, last year was Z.e.r.o. )

We might occasional sunny days, such as vesak day, labour day, national day, where I can go out and do some photography.

Overall outlook for 2006, heavy showers and thunderstorms. Remember to bring an umbrella out to shield from the affections for everyone else around, and raincoat is recommended to provide a sense of mystery and solo aura (wtf is that??!)

OK tts all for now.

Weatherboy out.

Never good enough.

Never good enough.

Never tall enough
Never handsome enough
Never fast enough
Never smart enough
Never intellectual enough
Never nice enough
Never polite enough
Never pleasant enough
Never considerate enough
Never mature enough
Never fit enough
Never rich enough
Never cool enough
Never funny enough
Never romantic enough

Never good enough in photography, in sports, in studies, in exams, in relationships, in everything.

There is always a mountain higher. I never really tried overcoming one, ah heck wtf I wouldnt give a damn. Perhaps for me, why would I wan to climb that mountain. Maybe at the top, you would have seen someone's flag stuck there, and at the far end there are tons of mountains. Higher.

It has always been me. I laugh it all away.

I, am never good enough for myself, for anyone, for this world.

Happy New year lah.

"You know, there is more to life then gaming. There is still so much of the real world to see. It was a frightening moment for me when my friend marcus uttered those words before one of our nightly gaming sessions.

Time screeched to a halt, like someone pressing the pause button in the middle of a Warcraft III battle. Marcus was a gaming lord among my friends, a man who once decleared that he would happily reject sex with a supermodel for a chance to win the World Cyber Games.

He loved games filled ninjas. His stage of enlightenment was such that mundane urges like defecation have been overcome, allowing him countless hours in front of a computer "killing: others like him.

Why give that up for the real world - a unfathomale place filled with mysterious things like fashion and hygiene? It doesnt have save and reload buttons or even respawn points after getting killed.

Instead, it has concepts that have existed in the mists of prehistoric cyber-universe, back when Bill Gates was merely a multi-millionaire. But, alas, one by one, I've seen my friends fall lemming-like to girlfriends and marketing jobs, lost to us forever.

And-I fear-I too am lost.

Growing up is one of those ugly things any right-thinking person should do their best to avoid. But it creeps on you. Like gollum. I remember a time when all I needed to feel divine was to walk out of Serene Centre with my ugly beige schoolboy shorts bulging with $20 worth of Magic: The Gathering cards.

Now, not even the Xbox 360 could give me geekdom nirvana, if only because I just have to think how many hours I have to slog at work before I can afford such things. Then there is the whole girlfriend issue. When I was but a little geek, girls were incomprehensible entitles that stimulated an equally unfathomable and unreasonable desire to acquire one.

Like the Holy Grail, the quest involved various seemingly insurmountable difficulties, such as my colossal lack of height and a vocabulary that included only football terms and Conan The Barbarian small talk. One would think the emergence of geek chic would ease one's dating troubles, but all it did was prove that cool people can do geek better then geeks themselves.

Yes, somehow, I found a girlfriend, along with a job and responsiblity (which should bring hope to everyone). And like anyone who has ever chanced upon the fabled chalice, everything changed. Gaming sessions have become sparse as the clique find themselves spending our nights taming our better halves, working in the office or recovering from just plain tiredness.

No longer are my conversations dominated by topics like magical gaming gear (also known as The Swords Of Female Repulsion). Instead, talk is about housing loans, future children, mother-in-laws and income tax. And if you think computer games bad, do you know how difficult it is to explain why one would want to arrange a pen-and-paper-role-playing session to a girlfriend?

It's not possible to explain to the average woman why a group of grown-up men can sit around a table and pretend to be elves and dwarves and fight monsters for imaginary loot without looking like a total dork.

Sadly, it is impossible to fight time.

As boyhood fades, so must friendship built on nights spent trying to get the Warcraft II multiplayer to work on a 28.8kb modem.

Reality is a bad place for a geek to be cast adrift in."


This post is a long one. And clearly it wasnt written by me.
1. I'm not attached
2. I'm not working
3. I'm language-ly challenged

The reason why I typed it out because I can relate it happening to me soon, about the growing up part and not the girlfriend part. Its a nice article in the newpaper, and I want to share it with you guys. Somehow, it takes a gamer to understand how a fellow gamer feels, esp now my computer has been wrecked.

I'm spending my new year in malaysia. And I hate it. Somehow when I spend new years in a foreign land, away from my motherland and friends, I dont remember to make new year wishes or resolutions. And that year usually get bads. Imagine all the happy new year sms-es at midnight, now turned to the tv in front of me, surrounded by little cousins too young to realise the importance of new year celebrations, watching crappy malaysian channels in the hot living room. Then its of to bed. No MSNs, no SMSes, no CALLS, no happy new year.

God damn it i really hate it when we have to go over to that country for relative visits. There's really nothing in the god damn boring days to do but just stare into the laptop hopping for it to be somehow connected to cyberspace. You can imagine its worst even before a laptop was bought. At least my sister has some friends there. I have NONE. My fellow same age cousins are already working and too old to play those hide and seek and running around and get scolded shit.

Even if I wanted to walk around taking pictures, its much too dangerous to just walk around alone, and even a mode of transportation isnt available except small bicycles intended for primary school kids and worn out bicycle left by my late grandma with punctured tyres and top speed of 2m per minute. I cant even ride the motorcycles yah, 1. no license, 2. my parents think I'm not compitent enough to handle one.

I really hate it going there at the dead end of the year. But I try to hide the dissapointment in my eyes, as I know my dad would be sad not being able to go back to his hometown to visit his brother and sisters.

Haix. Happy New Year my friends. I'm going to have a sucky year ahead.

P.S My previous post poll is still on. Leave a comment!

Blah - ahha - haha

I have to resort to my sis's laptop now.. Arg.

In advance, happy new year, hari raya haji, chinese new year, good friday, labour day, vesak day, national day, your bdae, hari raya pussa, christmas day, hari raya haji (again?!)...

I walked 12clicks yesterday! What a achievement! From 0830 at macritchie reservoir, all the way to HSBC treetop (I wont recommend anyone trying), then lunch then to bukit timah hill 1800++. AND in addition to the day before I went to bukit timah hill too. Now I can imagine the 72click road march. Woohoo.

If your reading this thanks to you for making it possible! Thankyou very much haha..the golf course was really fun!

Now....a poll for all of my dear friends! (dun worry if u dun know if u are one, cos if your reading this your already automatically drafted into the gd friends list. Mind you the list isnt very long you know so be glad! =D)

Do you think I should use my 2 payouts ( around $600+) to
1. Buy a gift for a friend (whois desperately in need of it, and yes it cost $600+)
2. Go for 2 objectif courses (www.objectifs.com.sg if you dont know. Its the photojournalism and shooting home courses. Its my dream to get in to shooting home!!)
3. Go a short travel before enlistment.
4. Or buy a PSP!!!!! ( I just saw a brand new white psp package with 1GB stick for just $499!! sure come in handy in NS LOR!!! Shit man....so gian... =O)

What say you my dear friends!!

Happy Christmas!!

This the season to be lonely,

Lala la la la. La La La La.


Its the festive season again! And the year is going to end on a sour note.. How sad. Let me explain...

-Somehow, the year started on a horrible bang. I was single again! What dang it was.
-Then it was new year, 2005, and I wasnt invited to any party or mahjong or stay overs. (not that I have been usually, but I can remember I was invited to one Last year)
-Then it was chinese new year, and it was record low in the stock markets! I recieved the lowest ever red packets. (not that i'm money face, but somehow it all pieces together to a year of shit)
-Then it was a boring year, I cant seem to recount on anything gd happening to me somehow. My attempt at meeting old friends resulted in meeting only 1, and I got to be a clown for her and her friend!
-I remember for my 19th birthday, I dont recount any presents or party for me. Not even any of my friends even ask me out to celebrate! And I thought bdae was a big deal. Bull-shit.
-And now, for this christmas, No party or anything! OK I was invited to one, but I dont really think it counts because I had to rush there after work, and reaching there almost when they where about to go home isnt the best party. And somehow, going into a living room full of alcohol smell isnt really a turn on. And I also dont really count a party with a 6 guys with a girl. Even LOTR on tv was a much need turn on for me.

I can sense some of you saying what a moron I am. Complaining about not invited to a party and when invited to one, still can critise it. Well, after my explaining above, if you all still can enjoy if u where in my shoes, then jolly gd for u.

-And I doubt there's going to be any new year plan for me as well.
-And as if things couldnt get worst, my graphic card just fizzled out on me, and I cant play my warcraft 3 with crashing my computer!!! Geez fuck.
-And it really turn holy shit when I wanted to install a game via cd, my DVD-CD driver gave up on me as well! Cant even detect the drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It isnt a happy holiday season for nothing! Judging by how things are going, I wouldnt count on a great next year. Going into NS? I'm giving up hope on everything else.

Life's a bitch when you hope for the best. zZz.

Merry christmas you filty animal. And a happy new year. (From home alone)

Omg LOW IQ

OK. Perhaps 1 main reason why I havnt recieved an army letter is because...


You guessed it. Low IQ. And I thought someone said (alot of people said) Commandoes all braws no brains.

Perhaps another reason is my high myopia degree. But only 350 both nia. Bo ko leng leh.

zzzz. My friends all commando or officer. Its hard to expect myself to be a INFANTRY MAN.

zzzz. I CANT BELIEVE IT!

I'm not going to spend my 2 years doing shit vocation.

Where's the honor and glory days!!!

The Boy(me) Just Dont Get it

No matter how hard I try, there are just somethings I cant get.

So many of my friends got chosen for commandos interview seh. And some of them isnt even interested. It just seems that the harder I try ( and say) I wan to get into the commandos, someone up there (or down) just wldnt let me. zZz?

And why everyone says commandos are a bunch of brawns and no brains? Its like so shit lor for **** sake. No other unit trains as hard (or harder) then them, and isnt on the first on the fronts lines. And all these cant even get some decent respect? zzz/.

Short update, was working at expo, and I also cant seem to understand why City Harvest (wo0t holy) can attract so much happy goers. And some how, after my some what casual observation, they all seem to have the same aura around them. Its kinda scary. To me, of course, they some how dress alike (same dress sense), and they walk alike, have the errie stare in their eyes, they have the baggy eyes, pale skin. Young and sucked of their essence.

Zombies?

I mean this just my personal stand point, and I still respect them as a religion, but perhaps my somehow limited knowledge of their operations (saying this to protect myself in any case,) cannot really truly judge them.


But seeing 30 thousand of them in 3 sessions is really a sight to behold.

-

1. kill

2. Be rich

3. I hate $$$

d-s-a-e-w-q

if only everything like the above is so simple.

Sometimes, things seem so near, but actually its so far. You dream for the best for yourself, however, it was never meant to be.

Time and time again I've wished not to fall into this trap. I am too weak.


Pes A for medical.

"Do your peers think National Service is a waste of time?" - Strongly agree
"Do you think National Service is a waste of time?" - Strongly disagree

I'm wishing for the commando's letter to arrive.
Perhaps in my 2yrs, I can find honour and glory to occupy my heart. To make it stronger.

Rather then love.

Love?

Coming to recall, I have not met anyone who hasnt had the same relationship till now, since the beginning when I know that person.

Weichao, on off 2 yrs, now single.
Yaomin, on off for as long as I know him, currently unknown.
Ck, 2yrs, now single.
Junren, 2yrs +, now single.
Sam, 2yrs +, now attached with another person.
Daniel, 2yrs ?, heard on the verge of singlehood.
Pangchune, 1yr, single.
My cousin, ???, attached but I knw he changed 3 times.
My female cousin, about the same.
Jasper, ???, single (no comments)


I'm sure I've forgotten some. Even I didnt last out. Whats there to be said?

And no, I'm not lonely, I'm enjoying singlehood, and laughing at those who say their in love right now.

World Aids Day

If you got $38...

Go scare yourself. Get an aids test done.

Exciting isnt it. You know what you have done before..

What if I didnt..But it turned out positive..


Try it today at your nearest GPs, Polyclinics and hospitals.

s t r e s s

@$%!#$!##%

Sorry I wasted your time reading this.









I've wasted mine already.

Hmm

Had a dinner with my long lost (not that lost) secondary sch friend. Very insightful, and although kenna suan about my poor language abilities, still it was still fun dinner, with her college jo as well.

But I will admit it is a total failure to impress thou. Somehow I just cant stop being a 15yr old at heart, and not that impressive you know, like I'm not quite sure about footing the bill -_-.

There are some things to be reflected on, and regarding the previous post as well.

I find that no matter how much I choose to close myself to the world, I cant. All these friends that I have now are friends I have met through much joking and crapping, they're here because of my wacky behaviour. And true to say, being wacky is my nature. A leopard cant change its skin ( in direct translation, laugh all you want! ), so I understood that it would not be right to change my nature, to change me to another person.

But perhaps what I will change is my attitude to others. IF you guys havnt know I have the fuck you attitude if I dont quite like you bullshit. This few days I was sick as well, doesnt have much energy to go pissing around for nothing, and I find, being nice sure beats being grumpy ( energy consuming. we need to save energy ). Lets strive for a better world to live in =)

And about my photos, somehow I cant believe someone will compare me to someone else who isnt a professional and say my photos sucks. Yes I know my photos isnt the best, and I know I a level lower then most photographers out there, but hearing someone saying in your face that your 3rd class really deals a blow. My PHOTOS LACK DIRECTION! Doesnt tell a story.

I'm going to kick start my career in photography. Better now then never. Never too late to start.

I'm going to do volunteer service, hopefully with the association for the blind or some other handicap association. To boost my confidence in taking portraits, improve my skill, and return some good to the society.

I must prove my worth, develop my style, find my identity.

After a chain of events, I have decided that I talk too much for the past 19 yrs, shown too much emotions, fucked (verbally) too much people, made too much enemies, made too few friends, still single at this time, and accomplished nothing.


There is the cheerful chongyew, the funny chongyew, the crappy chongyew, the dreadful chongyew, the disgusting chongyew, the evil chongyew, the big ego chongyew, the super confident chongyew, the I dun give a fuck about you chongyew.

All these is to change. From now on no one will remember who is chongyew. His standing in the background when there is group pictures taken. His keeping quiet in the meeting. He never attends any social functions. He never answers any telephone. He never replies on msn. Do you know who's chongyew? No never heard of him.

I'm going to destroy myself.

1. Becoming transparent in any forms of communication.
2. Be emotionless. Dont smile laugh fret angry.
3. Use of one liners. (if there is a need to converse)
4. Dont talk.
5. Stake out at a place of my own alone when I'm free.
6. Minimise contact with people.
7. Refuse gatherings.

This will make me = cold, selfish, emotionless, ignored, discarded, invisible.
No hate, no love, no friends, no enemies.

If you see me on the streets. I will faint smile and walk on.
You will never know my opinions of you. Whether like or dislike, love or hate, all you get is a winter cold front.

If you ask me for an opinion, I will say none.

In my heart, there will be conflicts. There will be opinions. But none will make it out. No one will know. Its all hidden under my expressionless face.



No one will remember who I am.

After a few years, I will emerge when I am ready to make a new world for myself. Perhaps then, all the people I know would have left me.

Chong yew as you have know, is gone.


Farewell.

(comments will be removed from now on.)

Grumpy old man

Hey man. I think I have let the world off leniently for the pats few weeks. There hasnt been much cursing and swearing for quite a while I believe!

Duh whats happening to me. Btw I have no dates this weekend, so mei an you get to see my empty spirit at esplanade if your there.

Short update. My club is in the dumps, I'm devoting more of my time to it to try to rebuild it. Sch's started, much more harder modules, so I'm tied down once again. No shooting planned for weekends to come.


1 more month to my long awaited medical. I better start training.

And when the stress becomes e=mc² its time to FUCK SOMEBODY.

(grrr)

I would have killed you if I had the chance.

The guessing game

Me : Free this wkend? Wanna go catch a movie, we can have dinner, I know this great place for desserts. And if we have time, maybe we can chill at the esplanade roof terrace.

Her : Oh whoa! K...Tat's something i wld do with my girlfriend in holidays at least once... But from a guy....... U askin me on a date....is tat wat it is?

Me : Haha. Which ever it is your comfortable with. I guess whats impt is we're comfortable when we're out. yup.

Her : Very neutral ans... Want to be on e safe side huh? But hey how am i suppose to knw how do u classify it?

Me : Hmm... Haha for me i guess whats impt is meeting and spending time with you. So yah its a date. c=

Her : Hmmmok.... Thankx for tellin it upfront.....(rest of the sms is not impt)


Right. There's my date for next wk! I dun like mind games, but you still need use your brain ^^

Me.

I found a old picture of me. Haha comically styled hairstyle.

Old values?

Old values no longer have a place in this world?

Friendship, loyalthy, love, respect, and so many more.

What are the new values people live by? Lies and deceit?

Am I to die with them?

The Community Service Trip

Here are the updates from my trip! I've chosen to cut it short by just posting pictures.

Day 1


Its 0100..And I'm still packing

Only slept at 0200+.


Just about to depart, team susan lanka @ departure gate 10


Its very sunny you know. First light in Sri Lanka!


Sri Lankan Airlines...


Already in the van...It has been 2hrs since we set off to our destination, Galle town, where we will stay for 2wks.


Still in the van...Somewhere....Fancy sitting in a chair the size just bigger then your butt in the same position for 6hrs?


A welcomed breather! We stopped at this place where 1500 ppl died when the tsunami came. It has since become a tourist attraction.


Wrecked.


Finally! We have reached...by the way, its a house with a fake door infront. The real door's at the back.


First family dinner! Only salty fired rice thou.

Different clicks

I wander further from my friends.

A group went to zouk today.

My old class had a class gathering while I was gone.

It has come to this. Is this the end?

Finally, on the grey shores.

I have fallen.

Honey! I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Hi.

No time to blog. Slept till 12pm today, need to chill,

Now processing pics, tml have to chiong to FYP again.

No more hols T.T

I'll slowly update sri lanka on my blog. Stay tuned.

Very sad leh I left no one left any well wishes on my blog. T.T

Bye.

Srilanka - 4th to 17th

bye.

I'll miss you all. by hook or by crook.

I hope I get back in a piece.

Silence

You start to concentrate casting The wall of silence.
You finish casting The wall of silence on yourself.



It stays here, until the day I leave for srilanka. Its Oct 3rd btw.

bullshit

Hi.

Exam time no time to blog. Here's a short update.

1. I am beginning to dislike you, not that it matters to you.

2. Hate level = 999!

3. Studying level = God like

4. Praying level = Lemme ask you smt, when u left 2hrs to study 16wks stuff do you pray??


Things to get for srilanka :

Teva sandals
First aid kit
Oakley Sunglasses ( if can )
2.5" 40gb Hdd
Shorts
$400.
$50.


Somehow, Its FUCKING SIAN and i am FUCKING DISTURBED.

Just ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Rain drops keep failing on my head~

hmm..

am going out soon, and because someone request i'm here!

Just finish my test yesterday, wad a panick. I may have failed the test, but passed tt module! Horray! I continue to amuse myself of cramming at last minute to produce results of 2days or cramming. o.0~

there's this thing about rain, gd or bad ? You decide youself bah
Thursday went to sch (finally) to collect stuff from my friend, hoping to use it for srilanka, only for him to say he wants it back on sunday (well done). Anyway, I went to sch with the intent of sending her home (yupz). So after slacking in club with a long chat with club mates, went to dover to wait for her. Haha didnt wait long, and so easy to identify her from far (was it me only?).

Yeap...so went to JE, alighted, she went to takeaway food home. Then when we where about to leave the hawker JUST NICE it rained. Was quite heavy too.

"wow heaven so nice to me suddenly summoned thunderstorm so tt we can share one umbrella...."

Mind you hor it was the first time I was sendin her home k. I mean..how coincidental can it be.
It was raining too this morning. Bout 3am. And sometimes, when its rainy, you'll wish some one was there beside you, wif some warmth and care.


Erm. I think I'm going to lose my regular audience. *grasps*

Winds of Change

Havnt been blogging much lately. Havnt had the drive, havnt went to sch, my days were spent holed up at home with my pc and new keyboards n mouse.

I've been forced to review my purpose in blogging, cos yesterday someone asked me to(blog_), and while I was waiting for this page to load I was flipping thru my mind instantly, why am I doing this? Even my dad ask me why....(he saw the lawsuits on 2 male bloggers posting sensitive racist remarks. Makes me wanna stop talking about that cos you never know when some farky ass little people of the world might just find your blog and give them to viva la authority de singapour.)

And by the end of that fullstop(above sentence) I have already know the answer to the question. D a r n myself.

Because of Pigging(thanks sweetie) at home, there isnt much to hate in the outside world. So thankfuly, NO HATE in this entry(do I hear rejoice.) But sadly, my blog actually revolved around my hate for people around me and the need to release myself in this pathetic cyberspace. Maybe its time for a change?

1.-> to Ada, if your reading this, thanks for visiting my gallery! Your email happen to hit me at an rather unfortunate timing (I was gaming.) So I didnt summon enough zen to reply you hehehe. According to me, you must reach the perfect equilibrium and complete serentity to reply emails. Once sent there isnt anyway your going to get it back. (thou and behold! If you happen to get my emails save it and treasure its one in a 1000000.)

more to ada-> when are our pay coming along! we need money badly to fund our trip to sri lanka~ and when is our bbq! not that I'm looking forward to that as well. Blah no point talking about old stuff. Pick up the hints along my past entries.

-> Ya its true I guess I express myself better with my photos. BnW especially. (opens email to refer to ada's mail cos old man really forgot what to say..)

Oh ya! No problem to teaching la, wont charge either I'm still novice anyway. I'll be happy to spread the joys of photography around! (Eeyer! so nobel leh....)

On the part of opening up, perhaps I shall work on it. Anyone out there can let me open myself and pour my disgusting monkey stomach, slimy intestines, darkened bladder on you? Haha I guess there aint much people in the world who can accept the hideous sinister monkey demon. (My sec sch friends used to refer me as monkey god in the folklore Journey To The West. But erm...I old liao and nasty liao and my climbing tree technique also going 0% so demon more like it.)

.....

To that special someone, really sorry didnt acc you yesterdae, I hope you'll give me a 2nd (actually 3rd) chance~ I really pig wor, stuck at home liao really cannot go out!
Perhaps I need motivation, would you be mine =PpP.



Counting down to 18days to sri lanka. Maybe I can let the tamil tigers kidnap me, I make friends with them, take pictures, and increase my potfoilo! ai seh, my parents will kill me even if the tigers dun ';....;'

1.Waiting for my pay $400.
2.Waiting for my medcial + 4 immunisation japs
3.Waiting for my lens
4.Waiting for 1st Oct (bonding time with my team to sri lanka)
5.Waiting for..you to reply me ~

sunday=slacking

heh.. dunno wad to blog leh..
today slack whole day so sianz~ so relaxing.. i feel tat i am adapting to the pigs lifestyle.. haha~
eat slack, eat slack, wonder when is my turn to be chopped into pieces *just like the orchard case* omg~
hmm.. i tink woman wif long wavy black hair is SeXy~ =pPp


Haha very attentive readers will know this isnt written by me, much less my evil twin, so yes if you havnt know THIS (which is the one on top) isnt written by me.

What should I say, this mysterious blogger hasnt got long hair, yah long wavy black hair is sexy, but your two tails are much more cute and sexy as well =D

Here's something for ü,

When I first added u on msn, really didnt expected to keep chatting with u! Haha seems like cant stop right now can I.

This surely beats the testimonal on friendster :

Your so fun to talk to, full of surprises haha. And so sporty as well. You probably can beat me in bball as well =x.
Cant wait to see you online, then all those funny emoticons. Cant wait to msg you, to make your hp bill go kaboom! (ops).


I'll keep this short, cos I dun know you well to say much (unlike those friend on friendster so fake right, just add only never even talk to each other can say tons of crap in testimonal.).

I wan to know you better! haha.

Bleah. I'm starting to wonder if people know I am bloggin this. hmm. =D

You know what?

This is the third time i deleted and retyped the entry.

Fucked up flicker minded.

After all these, all i learn is to STFU.

YOU say all you wan. Fuck off after that

Little people of the world unite

Sorry havnt been posting lately. Was working at the comex show for 4 days, now this week I have a couple more projects due too, I'm pretty busy for the first time.

Just a short post here, I'm alright thou and tired.

Well, regards to the title, there is much explaining to do, but I dun have the effort to type it out here. All you need to know, is that there are pretty much of these guys in singapore, you might just find one beside you as a friend or round the corner, or even better still, just round that thread in a particular forum.

Well, doesnt really matter i flame you here on my blog, but YOUR record speaks for itself.

Let the mind games begin.

Comex once again

Its gd to see the old faces, yet the new faces give me a uneasyness (correct speeling?).

Bloogin at this titme is a whore, can be seen by the mistakes i make here, i trinh to tpre properly. tml still habve fyp at 8 am, then work till 2200 houtse ahain.

last time was so lookinh forward to working with canon. Now all gone liao so sad. Just no motibation. arg wtf i typing now sia. sarbuck hang oer just so powerful man at 0100 in the morning.

Bloggin with m eyes closed, btw bblind man won the superstar. hoorat at lwast sp no braggin right s liao fags.

fuck la i go slp liao cb lse tml work shit ll print out kns one zzz.

wad a gaf y is there u n me. it there is god he hates me to plauing this hoke on me

tts it i cmi it liao qwefdsagfdgha fgreqrgfayjtwjsgfbsfje
afdgeoluirehvfdna dlgkfdamg;kefmad
flunf;doiaghjuqnewjbaFD;GJKNFADG
AIHfuiherjk;aerfijgkj;adfjgndgdgaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

---

ok its been 2k viewership must update once.

As times goes by I am more certain of my dream. To be a photographer.

Did I mention this but as I shoot I forget all my sorrows and have no more worries for tml. Its just pure enjoyment to see how my photo turn out.


And...Its just a joy to talk to you... =D

A fresh new breath of air

Hi. Anyway people say I always blog the same thing so lets change it shall me

Hate level = zero today. Its was quite pleasant today. At least I passed my stats test today.

Just yesterday saw a super duper cute girl on sp sports complex! Really can go gaga over her! I shall always remember the soft tone of her voice, waving her petite hands, those bleaming eyes saying to me, "Bye Bye~".

Man my jaw was dropping down and I can be like a dog playing and taggin along if wont for her aunt there. I'm sure she will become a great lady someday. All the best for you!

No way you know anything about me..

If I dont blog.


Its just sickening to blog nowadays.

Gd nite

Alright folks.

No more blogs tonight.

3 in a day is higher then the recommended dosage.

I.......nvm. /GOne.

oops

i think i just shaved my lips. skinless on top man! feel like being in a cold n dry country.

go try, its fun.

....

This post dedicated to a norm yeah. So read carefully if you would.

1. My previous post wasnt talking about you yeah. Dun get so upset.

2. I wonder who you are, but if I know its killing all the fun isnt it

3. Thanks for staying here and read. I appreciate it.

Erm actually I only have 4 things to say in the end. So its morning and I havnt had breakfast yet.

You see, when you say smt, people have the wrong message most of the time. If only I had the skill and level to shoot a picture to express what I want to say.

If only.

What fuck?

Hi. If you dun want to waste your time dun read. If you are interested to find out what I type here you can always msg me in MSN and I will give you the answer "Oh I Oright la hor How ar you ah?" I swear it is your decision to stay here and read and you can always fucking click that RED CROSS at the TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER if you feel like I am making you boiling with adreline. One last word. FUCK OFF NOW and I FUCKING SAID IT. Nabei I make sound like a disclaimer. IT KNNBCCB IS DAMN IT.

If I am wasting your fucking time, dun even be a cheebye and switch to my blog.

If I have to be public nme no.1 I will. But I think I already am, if not why fucking hell so many people call me son of a bitch.

Tmd I dun wan to say la hor, cb later tucker come shoot me in my house, but you dun come here and any cb shoot lor. For hell sake you wanna give advice can use a fucking better tone? Use some indian accent if you can. Ops thats not an advice you gave. Its a Fucking wake up call.

Damn dulan leh hor. No la ok la. Its TRUE. I AM bitching. Fucking knnccb Cant I even be a fag in my own blog. Thats why I hate men(all the birds and pussy). They judge too much. They speak too much. Then after I type this, some ccb say ok lor, dun care la let you bloody rot to death. YOu see the stinky dilema? No. Everyone start cursing and swearing man, This gy cy damn fucked up. Dat cb even shoot us! Fuck him man, strip him down and slap his pussy. Throw him in the fuggin cold river and let his nipples freeze and chink them off! Rip his skin from his skin! Oh boy doesnt the hatred exist in you my friend.

No wonder your pet is your best friend. He doesnt talk back, all he do is listen.

Aiya enough lah. Damn fucking sian man. Here's something till the next long time I'm going to lj blog. Dunnoe why, I deleted what I type, cos its going to be so fucking obvious to that person. Then he/she will come shoot me yyet again. So I change to something to summarise myself.

Oh just remembered tucker use the word puny. O.O

1. I am weak minded fool. Too easy get cheated sia!

Ok thats it for a long time. I think I'm off finding another medium to express myself.

Oh ya forget the hate level. Now is multiple target liao right?

1/0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000009 = current level. Fuck off.

Ppl win and Ppl Lose And I hate people.

Today superstar,

That blind guy didnt win. You can SEE the dissapointment in his eyes.

That nus guy won. You can see his "Yes I did it" face.

Somehow, i have mixed feelings. That blind guy cant dance, how can he be superstar? I dont like that nus guy either.

ABout my previous entry, it just hit me on my way home. Emotions = weak. That is where you be gunned down. Let my heart be as cold as ice, as solid as stone. Be merciless.

Wtf did I learnt this from.


Sorry double post today. I am a bitch, and I feel like one today.
Olright, after viewing my friends blog, I really should envy her for all her friends to wish her HBD. Just look at me!

Fuck. Human = not a singlarity. We cannot exist alone. There is a need to feed our emotion.

This is just pathetic. After reading another blog (female btw), I feel like, I'm non existent on this world! OMFG. Ok thats it. I'm so fucking done here. Why do I feel like I sound like a whinning kid! OMFG. Must be the panadol. Lemme go get another one.

From now on, its just me and my camera. No more no less. I really hate humans, the interpersonal feel, the world, and if there is god, Hi. I hate you.

What will I do in the event

The day will come when she has a new love.

The day will come when it means the end.

The day will come when...I shld let go?

The day will come, and what action will I take?

Somehow, I wished it will never happen, but its not up to me isnt it. I read something elsewhere, where those ppl who moved on are the ones who are better off. But eh, the problem is I cant.

Fucked up eh. You know, its everyday. Not once per week or the next time I see her. ITS everyday. Woah. I wonder will anyone consider me a pyshco or smt. Who knows?

For the first time, I never wished for anything on my bdae. Nor did I recieve anything, presents or stuff. I had to fucking threat myself, aint that pathetic leh. I wonder how many more lonely "special" days to come about. Till, 30? 40?

Oh my, I dont get mushy or anything. But I am really long for the time that was spent. You probably heard this a million times, but HOw I wish I could turn back time, a second chance. But I wldnt think I would have the slightest possibility. Maybe she already has negative comments about me.


Last words, My heart is going .
.
.
.
.
.
down.

Msgs I want to keep.

I dun have time for e forum, i am always buzzing with fyp. thats why i always remind you all to keep me update becos i dun wan to be like other alumni that kinda lost contact. Anyway if i got time i will read e forum but i wont comment on the pictures anymore, since none really appreciates my "i like it" praises. Nevermind, Regarding e dinner, its too late, my mum already cooked. So enjoy you all. Happy national day. Happy shooting, Hate level = 0. I am not angry, just a lil disappointed.

Why are things always so complicated.

Hate level = 1. (There is bound to have at least abit of hate. I am an angry youth remember.)

No time to BLog.

No time to blog! Some of ya must be waiting to see how I described the fugged outing on sat.

HAVE I BECOME XIAXUE? OMG.

But..Nah its over and I aint pissing no more, editing of photos can release Stress!

Do visit my gallery, got a couple of new photos like this :



Shot over yesterday, SDSC track n field meet. Featuring disabled wheel chair cyclist.



Shot over esplanade, it was an exhibited work. This was the rare time I shot alone.



www.cyp.sym18.com


Go now.

Love Saves the Day after all. Or Does it?

Haha.

Veliani if only I could communicate with you in higher levels of english! You always saves my day. =)

Ok it has been a few days. As I predicted the sky was fucked that fateful day, and that stayed all the day till then end, where there was a relieving sunset. Kinda sums up the day, it was a fucking day, till the end. Makes me believe there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for all who wished me. Thank you very much. Heres some hall of flames i'd like to share!
(keeping the sms inside lags my hp. I'm using analogue phone thankyou.)


Yo happy birthday dude, let me know if u going to shoot tml, i bringing cam along.
Mai sound like its doomsday la, cheer up fucker! Haha
(10/10, originality and calling me a fucker)

happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
happy
birthday manz
(8/10, simple and such a giveaway to who sent it)

Happy birthday boy! Now a grown up boy. Besta wishes.
(6/10, Kinda stressed after reading this)

Happy birthday. Bought you nothing as a present but a piece of sincere bdae greetings. Happy birthday once again.
(5/10. Could you sound happier, sounds like its a chore to sms)


But nonetheless, I appreciate all the sincere well wishes. Sorry if in anyway you feel forced to wish a fucking sucker.
For those who never said anything, I'm going to fug you at a cinema near you. Just joking.

19 years on.

FUCKING HELL BLOGGER JUST DELETED MY ENTRY I TYPED FOR 1 FUCKING HOUR.

I'm typing what I remembered. Fucked up.

-----------------------------------------------


Time to blog again. I forgot most of the things, so its offically fucked.

Time to reflect on what I have done for 18 years and 364 days.
I Cant remember 12 years of my life. I dont even have fucking pictures to look at.

Here's what I can think on 6 years 364 days.

1. Decent o levels.
2. 1 past relationship.
3. winning a photographic compeition. No big fuck.
4. I regret saying I wont regret saying anything.

These 4 things, are the one's who pop out. Buddha blessed me with such a life. Sorry i'm not religious. Just dont feel like using god.
These 4, doesnt say where I am, who I am, what I am gd at. Actually it does. It says,

-I'm in singapore
-I'm fucking ugly, no character, disgusting, boring
-I'm good at boasting!
-I'm a fucker.



There you go! Life as it is. Moving on...

I feel bdae are a good day to judge the good/close friends around you. Those who sms-es, email, seldom calls, rarely snail mails, never in your face. But this year I have given up on this false hopes, anticipation. The higher you hope, the harder you fall.

Incase reality just grabbed you, your a fucker, and dont bother to sms me. I dont fuck myself by saying "thanks for being my friend all these years."



For tml, After my fucking tests, which is a reminder of the misery in life, I'm going to wander around. With my camera doug by myside.

I dont feel like going home.
I dont feel like celebrating.
I dont feel like asking anyone out.



This year, all I feel is the pain, anger, hatred, despair, angush.
Who say's its happy and joyful when its your bdae.
Maybe I'll die crossing the road tml. Here's a advance gd bye and take care.

Its dark, lonely, cold tml.

I'm deactivating my hp tml, till I feel like going home.

Happy bdae fucking screwed cream lightsaber.

track.

Just deleted my post yesterday, saved it as log for future reference.

Hate level : 5 pts.

Aww

It has been long. So busy this short break. None gd rest so far. Everyday is spent in sch.

I feel so mentally drained. So weak. And there is so much things to do!

1. Poly forum
2. Mile program?
3. Sri lanka Experdition
4. Medical.

All happening in a short space of a month of hols! Omggg.

My dream was to become an astronaunt. But thats not possible, the next best thing was to be a pilot. Thats not so possible too, the next best thing is an officer. If I had the chance, would I sign on as an officer? My friend said, his not going to forsake a profession in photography. Should I as well?

It has been sometime since my previous post. Was I alittle too oversensitive. But what has done has been done. Nope I'm not going to the extreme end. Am too tired. All these games...are unnessecary. Or was I playing with myself, playing with fire? I dont even know what I am talking. Fuck it.


Another friend was quick to point out something. We where on a photoshot. Had one idea, he said it was cheena, I scraped. He had an idea, it was cheena, he didnt scrap! He said,

Because your ego too big, thats why you cant try it out!

Sia lah, i'm fucked upside down. Very true indeed. Changed with immediate effect. Thanks pal.
Its this kind of comment that can fucking change one's life. And suddenly, I planned to do a series on my friends. What?! Dont fuck me. I'll fuck you back with interest.

I think I have changed. Back in those years, I envy those couples. Now, I hate them. Shldnt use the word hate. I resent. I cant help but think, the ugly side when they quarrel, when they argue, when its time for the ultimate breaking up.

What have I becomed! I have transcended from a level where I hate "Anti-racism band" (Only those who know the 2 types of ppl I hate will understand) as much as I resent couples on the road. Hate level is now...jet black.

I have a friend who broke up after 2 serious years of relationship. Why? The girl was too practical. HE just wasnt rich enough.

I have a friend going after a girl who is attached. HE mentioned about turning back time, where he would have done smt. I would have guessed he would have made the move.

Is relationship so fucking important? So fucking essential? WHY?

I told myself. Get myself a 1D MKII. Travel the world. Search for enlightenment through my lens. I Will make it happen. Someone said,

if u look down on ur dream, then it is not a dream
and if u think ur dream is nv fulfilled, den why dream? its not a dream
always live up ur dream

Erm, why did I paste this? Nvm fuck it. I'm off.

Hate Index is now : 450 pts .

Comment.

Sometimes I dun understand why.

Although I had this discussion before, but it do makes one wonder why one would need comments on one's picture?

Tucker told me his point of view. And for his case I totally agree. Sometimes, when u ask people to comment on a picture, it must be of some standard, else you wont post it. That so, why do you seek comments? So that people will say its NICE and give you some moral booster?

I don't know why issit I treasure your comment so much. Not that you have done any. OOps. I swear I wldnt be hinting anyone. My Mistake.

From here on and, I shall lock myself against unnecessary comments. This is my photography. I choose the influence I want (not from comments. Rather like ansel, greg, etc) . I shall improve my own photos. Lets stay down to earth, and try not to get myself hurt in the process, thinking that your comments are meaningful to me.

/me gone.

Initial D

Because you are always running alone

Never had you been competing with others

Remember

Never have the urge to compete with others

Dont compete with others, What you want to win, is yourself

a + b + c

Yesterday was a meaning full day. We had our basic phototgraphy workshop.

Johnathan is a 2nd year sp student, studying DCnT. His looks just like any other teenager. What sets him apart is, his deaf. But this did not hindered him in learning photography. I was his instructor.

He was honored to have me as his instructor. I was honored to have him as my student.

We knew each other back when he was year 1, joining us for our photography camp. He left halfway, but we had fond memories of him.

Thanks to PS, we communicated with the help of a laptop. The notes were self explanatory, and I was doing the typing most of the time. I wondered if I got the point across, cos he didnt said much. But hopefully he got it.

During some spare time I was constantly learning some simple sign languages from him.

How are you?
I am fine.
I understand.
Where.
Yes.
No.
I dont know.
Animal.
Human.
J, N, C, Y, T.
Take care.
See you again.
Joking.
Lets go eat.

Friends

Haha. Never has the words friends be so meaningful. After sdsc and yesterday, I have gained another valuable insight into the world that was locked to me. I am thankful, for the life I have now. Thanks mom, thanks dad. You wldnt get to see this. But you will know, someday.

This is not the life I wanna have.

Hi.

I want to be in the army.

Counting another 1/2 years.

I want to be ignorant like before.

Counted. Thats way over due.

I want to BE MYSELF.

Counting another millenium.

NKF?

Hi its time for another episode for hear cy kpkb on his blog time.

Its 1 lightyear since I have blogged. Oh. Its mean it has been long since I've blogged. No its not the distance. Nope you dont get it. No thats not it either. #!$!#!%$^#@!@. Forget it.

Back to the main topic. Here's a short, I mean 160cm update on myself.

1. Fallin in love with corrinne May's voice. So......My english bad sorry cant describe.

2. 500 shots on my 10D X 2 ! Upz...

3. I'm still fortunately single. ( Yes you've got it right! All the girls are blessed, cos my friends say anyone's whois my gf is a terrible thing to happen to the girl. Isnt that right guys! = )

4. Emotional status = Rainbow. ( Dont know what mood to be in. So funny. Like happy for a while then sad for a while then angry for a while then gungho for a while. Nope this is not PMS mind you. Its called .... can you give me a name?)

OK short break for game. I'm training for WCG. Dont know? World Cyber Games. Dont know? You know hor, the whole world lor, then hor, diff color people hor, come play game lor, then hor, see who more zhai lor, then hor, win some cash and title lor. (.........)

Ok backed. For the first time my life is so hectic. There are so many test and deadlines, so many unplanned stuff and proposals to submit. Its hard. But it gave me a grip on reality and time. And again for the first time I know how time is short and passes like a bird shit thats on your way to your head and your looking at it( Ok it means very fast. Do I hear "....." ).

Although I reilliterate (correct speeling boh?) my stand to be single, I suddenly plan not to type this out incase of being accused of being .....

Ok. SO there is this NKF thing. So do you know the CEO is getting 25k a month salary. And he travels in first class on NKF funds. And he accessorized his office with a 1k gold tap. What a wonderful kidney foundation! So does my $4 out of a $5 donation go to your pay? Oh. I dont have the right to know where my $5 out of my $200 per month allowance go? Oh ok.

You can kiss you donations good bye. I just heard they withdraw the lawsuit against SPH. This is what we call a quiter, a loser, a noob.

Its quite sad to see those people who are really in need of public support and donations to carry on living. But somehow I am not donating again.

Ever.

?

haha. Hope none of you gain my negative influence. I am a bad guy.No one associates with. I havnt heard before, "Oh ya! I know CY! His ok lar...blah blah blah". I have only heard before, "Oh! That GY CY ah!".

Someone just left an obvious hint for someone. If its so obvious, why is there a need to say?

Sometimes I feel my life is like one of my black and white picture. No colors in life. Just portraying the struggles between the elements. Just being plain with a soft grey. Contradicting? There are always 3 sides. Black, White, Grey.

dis a soci a tion

Hi. I am blogging to an fucking situation that I may have rediscovered.

I left my worst part of my entire fucking life behind and fucked on. O'rite, perhaps some of you might say I am ungrateful, cheat, ass, wadeva fucking nouns and adjectives you can find.

But the problem is, I have to reannouce, that I have a fucking attitude. And that is why I have so many fucked up enemies. Lets not use the word enemies. I have too many fucked up non supporters. Yes. Because I have a ATTITUDE PROBLEM. I remember someone said before, I have a attitude YOU ALL CANT HANDLE.

I JUST deleted some fucking entries in fear or insulting or degrading or wadeva fuck to my readers. Anyway. I just like to say. I AM FUCKING HAPPY (dun sound like? LOL) NOW. DONT GET ME INVOLVED in any of your PUNY LIFE, LIFESTYLE, ACTIVITIES, WADEVA FUCK.

Aiya. Fuck care liao lar. VP suppose to set gd example also. But knnbccb lar I sibei dulan liao. Lucky I know no small kids reading this. But I know perhaps 1 or 2 ladies might be reading. OH isnt that great. Perhaps some introducing and I will be permanently single. In case you dont know who I am :

CHong Yew of SP of DARE3A02 of MM.

And OH. Perhaps I have a fucking PUNY brain. Let me go squash against the wall.

New post.

Oh hi.

I am now the vice president of the singapore polytechnic photographers.

Its time.

REALLY BUAY SONG

There is some point of time. When I am really buay song. And I am really buay song. If I was from the normal tech. If I was only from some gang. You would have been dead. Trust me.

******************* (Different ppl now)

I saw you. After a long time. No contact between us. I didnt know how are you. I guess you dont give a fuck about me either. I want to speak to you. But your like an icy cold fortress. I know wadeva I do, it'll still be the same. For I, has already been in your No No list. So What the fuck am I still thinking about.

*******************(Different issue now)

So what the fuck. Is there such a time when there is nothing everyone can comment about one's pictures. I guess its time I stop asking for comments and GET the comments from myself. I am on my own.

1000 Views!

Ha. Last time I was here was about 800 views. Has viewership increased?

Anyway I'm here to annouce my new gallery. Thanks to sam for the host.

www.cyp.sym18.com

Do enjoy your stay and comments are always welcomed!

Sick...

About my previous post. Just jokin eh. I wouldnt want any sugarmummy or anything. Its good being single. No strings attached eh. I shall earn my worth!

Anyway, I have been sick for more then 2weeks! Like no cure leh. Then my bones around my hips aching like hell. 3DAYS liao!

How I wish I had my parents back for some home cook food. I need to get better. I sick, so no posting on montage n my 20D. Soon...real soon.

Sex sells.

Hi. I'm home. I'm suppose to go to school? Did I hear wtf? Olright wadeva man. There was a time when I had the urge to go to sch, to see someone, someone constantly reminded me to go to sch. I think if it wasnt for her, I would have dropped out last sem. But anyways thats all over, and the impt thing is i'm now at home.

Was surfing blogs when I came along this blog. Another blog by an sexual active teenager. She's looking for a sugardaddy, and she's 16! You might have seen this on the chinese newspaper. So anyways I there looking around her post, and yes I'm curious about what she types, her sexual encounters and stuff.

And what can I say? I Must have been born into...hmm...the correct family? Not so sure, but certainly with the traditional chinese value installed into me. I'm born into a moderate family, note = no poor, just selfsustainable.

So anyways, this girl, was like, bascially looking for a sugardaddy (If you dont know I suggest you go checkitout). Like erm..$500 per night sort of thing? And to think that she is poor...Hmm..no no. She is actually quite wealthy, HER parents are wealthy. So I can understand when she say's $150 per night is CHEAP. Sort to think maybe it is. But with $150 what can you buy? Cheap levis and cheap guess watches? I'm like wtf.

OK maybe I'm stingy or wadeva you describe. But wth, $150 is alot to me! There I was sweating ( as in literally) yesterday night at sentosa, my first corperate event shoot, Sony's D&D, for 6hrs, for $115.

In a short night, having sex (which I'm sure you must be enjoying it or smt, at least I do), for $150-$500!

You know how much is that??

2times = $1000 = Brand new 580ex (Flash)

3times = $1500 = Brand new 17-40L (Lens)

4times = $2000 = New bag, New hp, New equipment!

Maybe I should pimp myself.

To all sugarmummies out there! If your reading this, do drop me a email! I'll glady get back to you!.

Dying soon..

Hi. I am dying soon.

Age has finally caught up with me.

Every second I can feel the thinner of air around me.

Every minute I cough, in soft spasm.

Every hour, my eyes grows smaller.

Every day, I feel weaker, my muscles contract.

I am dying.

Montage 2005

Building up to the event of the year...maybe the event of my lifetime so far.

I hope people are proud of me. I represent SPP, SP, ZHSS, primary sch dun say lar, my parents...

Just 3 more days. The excitement is killing me. Cant time go any faster??

deleted comment

who!!! Who was that!

Free tix!

Hmz here comes the hard part. So there is a free tix after all! But the condition is that the person gets to sit beside me yeah.

Was chatting to a friend just now, then was asking her (yes her) would she like to you know wad. Well she politely declined and said she wasnt deserving enough eh. And if people see us how? haah.

Well.. Should someone deserving enough to sit beside me? How would you define deserving? Raymond for lending me the camera? Everyone who was busy so that I had the chance to cover the event which produced the shot? Tucker for the BnW influence? My parents??

Well. I'm just looking for a plain and simple friend to accompany me. If I cant find anyone then I shall sit ***** ( those dreaded 5letter words, which people for centuries and aeons and worldwide try to avoid).

I had a friend saying to me, winning a prize should be an joyous occasion! Why so stressed up? (He was actually refering to me fretting about the prices I am selling my stuff that I can barely cover for the upgrade). Now there is double meaning eh. Winning a prize isnt that simple. Compare this to winning lottery. Once you win there are other complications, people going after your money etc etc.

They say money cant buy you happiness. Now I know what it meant.

Long time no blog.

Well, almost a week has past since I last blogged. The last sat was the judging of montage 2005. Arrived just in time to see my work get a 10. 4 from Bob lee, 3 from Mohd Ishak, 3 from Ruth Soh.

That day super blur, mistaken 1 mrt station for another. In the end caused my friends to miss their works being judged. =( me bad.

Recieved a call I did, later in the night. It was enghong, vp of nusps! He just told me I had won a prize, and didnt clarify what price did I won. Hmz. Recieved an email on sunday, informing me to go down on monday, but still didnt said what price I won.

Finally on monday, went down to nus to verify my photo and Id. Sam was there to hand in his photo. Top 100 for him! After handing in our cd, verifying our id, then enghong finally asked just when we where about to go.

"Do you know wad price you won?"
"nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
"Oh you won the 1st price!"

Wow. Didnt really expected that. Thank you to everyone. This prize belongs to all who have taught me. To my club as well! Now my club n SP can be on the map for this win. =)


See you all 11june @ suntec convention centre. I know you cant go, but really hope you do. It would mean alot to me.