My dear friend.
In the end, I came here, to chat with you. It has been a long time since I saw you. I come before you know because I have much to say, much to complain about, and much to share.
I feel really down.
I feel really tired.
I feel really alone.
First of all, I have problems with my club. It was mine to begin with, cos it was me/us who chose the current committee. I dont know where it went wrong, how it came to this state, but its disasterous. There isnt any teamwork, there isnt anyone leading, it isnt going anywhere.
I am going back almost everyday, spending more time each day to settle and help the club. Someone once told me I sold my soul to the club. I didnt. I lost it. And now everyday is like fighting a losing battle. I revisit the strategy on the paper everyday with my fellow alumnis. Everyday we rant and complain. Its like a mini series. Dramatic, twist and turns everywhere.
Its the biggest challenge in my life right now. But I'm drained. Really.
And because of the club, WE are forced to outsource. And this has led to many small skrimishes. Many of which where built on false trust and friendship. Yet I wish some turn out to be true and fruitful.
I am bad with people. I make people angry. I make people sad. I make people unhappy for all kinds of reasons. And today, I have made 2 more. I am truly sad and sorry. Nothing can express how I am feeling right now.
This sudden influx of PR have taken its toll on me. I wan a long vacation. Away from all these. I dont even know why am I here.
I feel lonely.
I would like someone to talk to, all of these. But sadly, I can turn to none. Is this desperation? I'm looking for a partner. Just a friend. Now I know its hard to find a friend you can trust.
For once, the al mightly chongyew, always so confident of himself, who alway thinks he comes before all, stands above all, is taking a backward stance. I am standing among everyone else.
I feel as thou my wings are clipped.
Trapped between the barb wires.
Stripped bare by the howling winds.
Now I feel the full magnitude of stuff, stuff from the humane world.
And too, I understand the phrase "dont make the girl fall for you if you aint going catch her".
The worst thing to do is to bring one's spirit up 100 times and turn on gravity.
Its like a double whammy. A chain car accident. A surgery and have infection set in. To kiss and slap the person again.
Tell me, have I sinned so much in my 19yrs here. This is a test/battle/race that I cannot complete alone.
I looked out the grailes.
There isnt any stars.
Even the moon was hiding.
Where are you my old friends.
Have you abandoned me for good.
To be thrown into an abyss.
Alone.
Goodnight, my evil twin.
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I disappeared for awhile, and now I'm back. Freed from the duty of the motherland, now I have rediscovered my mission in photography. Through the self discovery, slowly in the evolution of my photograpy, I hope to produce more works of high qualities! Oh btw my printer ran out of colour inks, and my apple's pixels got bleached.
1 comment:
hey dude,
really sorry to catch this so late, are ya feeling better now? thou i dont know exactly wats wrong with kids in the club, but dont be defected before even fighting man!
why do i say so har? to me, most of time there's front reason leading to the back result, if its not working out now then is it something went wrong along the way , wrong decisions made, the way ya guys are helping, the methods used? and all these prob might be a result of not knowing ya guys well, wat kind of person are they? the way they work? which are the ways to best get them understand the point that ya are trying to bring across. man i know this is crazy and tiring, its just difficult to cater to the need of each individual, in fact there is not way to pls every body, but that's it! the role of a leader, someone there to guide others before they can stand on their own, ya got to knoe when to hold on to them and when to let go, the leader is the one who does most of the "saigung"(hard work) at the beginning, the one who takes the initiative, lead not only by words, but by actions! haaa, well instead of saying guiding them, leaders are learning how to lead too indeed. dont put all the blames on ya self and take all burdens on ya shoulders, take it as a lesson to learn together with them, we are not perfect, but we are learning to be better, see prob and challenges as good opportunities for ya to train ya perseverance,, things that come easily, go easily too. so jia you! its alright to be down for a while, cos we are human being, we are sad means we are sad, but dont let it turns to self pity or let it discourage ya from proving ya limits, always remember, problems are meant to be solved, its just a matter of time and sometimes methods :)
but the way, there is a person connection somewhere I feel from ya sharing, not that ya pre entries were not sincere, but its just .... different this time, :) ya have a side of ya that worths ppl respecting! People might not know ya care, (that takes time to improve the way ya express yaself, it’s a skill :P) but that doesn really matter sometimes, cos wat really matters is ya DO really care and WANT to make a difference!
Last but not least, a food for thought:
“To achieve it ,you have to KNOW it in your HEAD and BELIEVE it in your HEART!” by L Schmitt
Catch up with ya again!
God Bless!
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