FUCK IT I HAVE NOT BEEN SO FUCKED UP FOR LONG.
Does it pay to be a nice guy? I dunnoe.
When it comes to money, they say " talk money, hurt relationship".
I have a friend whois shooting for the school. and I am suppose to shoot as well. But because there is the exhibition to settle, I opted to oversee the exhibition while he is shooting. It is paid btw. Tomorrow there is another shoot, if both photogs go both will get paid, but who will oversee the exhibition? I am going to oversee the exhbition tomorrow. The job is $20 an hour, today's is 6 hours. Tomorrow is roughly the same. For today actually I had an assignment, which was to cover the award ceremony for the SP robotics team in NYP. It was suppose to be a whole day event, which I would have roughly earn the same amount, but for me I dun think I will bluff that I was there the whole day. I will probably say I did 2 hrs. I WAS overseeing the exhibition preparation.
We have another job, which is a workshop for a secondary school. Its $200 for 5 lessons of 2hr 1 lesson per week. I said I am going to take everything, and it isnt a joke. Maybe to him it sounded like a joke?
Everyone wants money. We are both in a poor state right now, but I feel unjustified. Its true, someone will scold me stupid, why should I oversee the exhibition preparation? I could have shoot as well, earned the same amount. But for me, I had always took upleadership positions natually. Ok fuck it. No one understands?
I dont really mind that he has earned more money from the school then I have. After all they had contacting him first. Ok fine. But, for the workshop, we had both intended to try to "friend" an instructor as much as possible. So he can be our mentor. But during the workshop, he took the first strike, as well as another friend of mine from another workshop we attended. FOR ME, I find, ah fuck it, since they want it so badly, I back out. What? Stupid again? FINE, say I am stupid, I am wadeva, but for me, I have always treated my friends sincerly, I would always have given my friends the opptunity first.
The result? The instructor called him yesterday to ask whether he was free on friday to help him as personal assistant on his shoot. In case you didnt know, that was very important to young photographers to be working with their pro photographer. I am happy and sad when I heard that. What sucks the most is that he asked whether I can take the sch job on friday! I thought we where suppose to shoot it together (before it was decided that I will oversee on fri).
You earned the cash, you have gotten your dream mentor, what is next?
Isnt it time for me to be more selfish, for myself. I have lost so much. But then again, most of YOU will probably said I didnt grab the chance when I can. Forget it. I dun think writing on my blog here will explain anything. Everyone see me as an idiot, loud and big mouth son-of-a-bitch friend, always fucking here fucking there, hating the world, blah blah blah.
Anyone of you actually know I care the most for my friends? I treasure friendship almost more then everything else, I will help my friend even if I have to pay it with my life. ANYONE KNOW? ANYONE SAID THANKS? ANYONE CARE?
No. All I get is simple T H A N K Y O U, and T H A N K S A H.
What? Thankyou is not enough??? YEs. I have every right to be selfish. I have every right to believe that what I helped other people has to make me feel wanted, yes wanted, and appreciated. Sometimes a simple thankyou is ok, but at other times, show more appreciation. Yes I helped you in this and that, after that when you have accomplished what you want, you forgot about me. Yes, you, you the dear friends of mine. Because at the end of the day, I am not your best friend, I am not your dear friend, I am not your friend. I am your classmate, your acquintance. Your friend's friend, someone you meet on the street. Crappy, Idiotic, Stupid, Rude, Impolite, Careless, etc etc eTc ETC ETC ETC ETC
You know my dear friend who are reading this, I feel like ending my life for the umpteenth time. I have so FUCKING ENOUGH of helping people out. I HAD FUCKING ENOUGH YOU READ ME? READ ME??????!!!!!!!
It doesnt matter if you dun understand me, dun care, dunnoe what to do. Do yourself a favour, treasure the people beside you. For a matter of fact, you have lost one here, to learn to treat your other friends, family, girlfriend boyfriend better. Yes...YOU my dear friends.
It really doesnt matter if I oversee the exhibition preparation tomorrow, or spilting the money for the workshop, getting all the money, or none. Because at the end of the day,
I am just another person in my dear friend's life.
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2 comments:
how are ya feeling today? gotten an ans for ya Qn? Does it pay off for being nice?
i am sorry for wat happened to ya, there must be a sense of being betrayed, at least to me after reading ya entry.
i dont agree that ya didn grab the chance, ya chose not to, why?
if ya reason is that ya dont wat to fight with ya frens, ya chose to be a nice guy, then why are ya so upset? there's a price to pay being nice, no doubt about it, that includes giving up something ya really want to someone else whom ya care, ya love, or simply want to be nice to. but the button line is, if ya want to give, give willing, if it makes ya so angry and upset to give, dont give then, keep it to yaself, ya deserve it just like any body else.
be selfish, like ya said,everybody in this world does things for themselves, for their own good, ya are silly to be thinking of even trying to be nice to others, while at the end, ya turned out being used by others. its a great eye opening isn it? this is the ppl in this world!
including ourselves, so in the end, ya might just want to choose to turn back to ya old self, think for yaself more, if matters not wat other ppl feel or think, as long as ya are happy, that's all it matters, why bother? frenships mean nothing, afterall ya seem to be the only one cares, when its comes to money, frenships is worthless!
how about that？ agree with me? if ya do, just a reminder for ya, there's also a price to pay, just look back all the old entries ya had in the past.
maybe ya might find me unappropiate to share with ya in this manner, but i am sure ya do want to know wat i really want to say do ya? the fact that ya actually read until here :P
my dear fren, i hope the hurts and pain ya had from this incident will motivate ya to try even hard to be nice to others, right from the button of ya heart, why? cos if not more ppl will feel as shitty as ya, is natural for everyone to feel that way ya are feeling when things like that happen to them, ya can why cant they? if everyone chooses to be selfish, to pay evil with evil, wat will the earth come to? its already bad enough, i am so thankful that ya are not numb to it, ya feel that sense of unjustification, then do something. it all starts from small, we cant change others, but we can change ourselves, and by being good yaself, ya stand a chance to make a great influence and impact in somebady's life, its powerful, i am sure there were ppl in ya life that made great impact to ya, and sure there are many to come, and as we wait for these ppl to come by, be one yaself, take ya turn to make a great impact in others' lives.
ya knoe that worst things to be done onto those who did ya wrong? its to pay evil with goods, and as ya learn to 看开 more, ya will less likely to caught up by all these. learn to forgive others too.
ya are prob tired of hearing me nag ya here, tired of hearing me tell ya all these crap of keeping on trying, cos ya dont get wat ya want, ya attention from the ppl ya care, then why try? ya have all the rights like ya said, but there's no right to talk about when it comes to love, loving others, ya loved ones, ya frens. cos ya choose to give up ya rights for others' sake, that's true love! no one can demand help from ya if ya dont want to, but ya did cos ya love them. and that's enough! :)and if ya truly care for ya frens and frenships matter to ya so much, let it be testified and proven throu time and trials!
and last but not least! i am doing myself a very big favor here by typing this cos i treasure this person i am writing to, i can sense ya care about ya frens, maybe ya just didn know hoe to express it? do onto others wat ya want others to do onto ya, try it! ( no pay will be given, try it if ya want to, but the rewards will be great!)
take care and see ya around /)
i agree with tuck...
看开点。though is not easy.jus try. when sometimes oredi like dis le.. no harm trying.
owas remember.. u definitly still have friends with u . OK.
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